Yankee Stadium

Posted on by nyweenies

‘Murica. The land of the free, and the land that gave birth to me. A place of competition, sports, baseball, and summer. There is nothing more American than Yankee Stadium. When I set foot in its massive white-fenced exterior, I couldn’t help but think that I was a true patriot. Furthermore, I was about to be even more patriotic by eating a mustard drenched hot dog in a historic ball park. Furthermore, I was again even more patriotic because I braved the threat of Legionnaires disease and the Bronx in general to be there. Furthermore, I took that existing patriotism and multiplied it by patriotism again to produce patriotism squared. You know how I got patriotism squared? The hot dog was not a standard hot dog. Oh no, it was a footlong. ‘MURICA! FOOT LONG WIENERS! Now, don’t tell anyone that I was there for a soccer game…

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Good golly miss molly, look at that bad boy. This is a Hebrew National all beef wiener that has been rotating on hot steel for at least a fortnight. The bun is not toasted, and there was an option for onions or peppers but i respectfully declined. Their best dog was a classic with only yellow mustard. I also put the mustard on myself. (Because Americans work hard and are capable of doing things on their own. Capitalism. Adam Smith.) Just holding this beast of a sausage makes me feel manly. The smell, the chatter of thousands of fans surrounding me, and the sunset peeking through the pennants of years before make this a most memorable first bite. I even held the hot dog in my hands while the National Anthem was playing. (Think about the scene from Patton right now. Epic.)

What we had here was a good hot dog. There was nothing spectacular about it, and nothing unique to set it apart. The all beef taste was present, but it was lacking the snap, and lacking the toasted bun that I adore. What made this dog special was the environment it was eaten in and, most notably, its size. For all of you size queens out there, this dog is the dog for you. This was honestly, truthfully, a foot long. I’ve had other footlongs, but this one seemed bigger and better.

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To quote the great Yogi Berra, the future ain’t what it used be. But I can tell you all with confidence, there are traditions that will always stick. The tradition of eating a hot dog in August at a baseball (or soccer) game is one that will be here forever. One day I hope to have a kid or kids and show them this tradition. Like a King passing his crown down to his Prince, I hope to pass down my hot dog to my son. So, the message here is not the rating that you see below, it is a message of American spirit. It is a message of family, hard work, and patriotism. God bless America.

3 weenies.

Cheers

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Papaya King

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I was not legitimate until now. Until this review, I was not a real hot dog blogger. But now, it’s like I found platform 9 and 3 quarters, hopped on the mustard express, and magically traveled to the University of Wieners and Franks. I am real. In a Field of Dreams, I am Shoeless Joe Jackson. In the Matrix, I am Neo. In Ghost, I am Whoopi Goldberg. E.T. phone home… I have accomplished my dream. Papaya King is an incredibly legitimate establishment. Popular film and television programs such as Seinfeld, Anthony Bourdain, How I Met Your Mother, and Crossing Delancey have mentioned this place. Although it never got a mention on Gossip Girl, I promise you it’s famous. Ladies and Gentleman, Papaya King.

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Just look above these words. I don’t even need to write, but I will. On the Upper East side on 86th and Third Ave neon signs glow, beckoning all passers by to come in for a snack. There’s not much to this place, and there doesn’t need to be. The staff is very friendly, and they are proud to be there. When I asked for their best dog, the man behind the counter genuinely cared to know what my taste buds preferred. Eventually we came to the conclusion that I should have the classic. Sauerkraut and mustard. I knew that this was the classic coming into the place, and I was scared. Generally, I’m not a ‘kraut guy. I find it to be overbearing, and kind of like my Frankie’s on the Go post, that guy at the party who is loud and crappy and takes all the attention. But why, Jack? Why did I ever doubt the Germans? They invented the dog, why would I question their topping choices!? The spiciness of the mustard and the sour taste of the kraut mixed together to form this new harmonious flavor that I’d never tasted before. It reminds me of the first time I had a Yuengling. There’s something else out there? Shocked, I didn’t even realize how good the actual sausage was until the second bite. The snap is there, the temperature is perfect, and the bun is toasted with care. This is a dog of champions. Oh, and they’re 3 bucks? I’ll have another.

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The second dog: plain with mustard. Look at those char marks on the dog. Look at how awesomely I placed the mustard on that bad boy. Look how epic-ly I devour it. I am in my element. Is this place perfect? Is this the best in New York? While it may be incredibly close, it never will be the king. For those that have read my “About Me” page, you know what I think about mustard. Keep it yellow. Papaya King does not have yellow mustard anywhere. I even asked, and it is nowhere to be found. While I kind of respect them for sticking to their guns, the fact of the matter is that they’ve made the wrong choice. I don’t care how much money Gulden’s is giving you, the better choice is to take money out of your pocket and literally pay French’s to be your sauce. At least have it in your restaurant.

Papaya King gets 4.5 weenies.

I absolutely love this place. I will be back, and it is definitely the best quality dog I’ve had in New York so far. However, I do believe that there is an establishment out there that knows how important yellow mustard is, and can rival this landmark in quality. I’ll leave you all with this quote from the great philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche: “And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.” Mustard is my music, and the rhythm I dance to is yellow. It is this music that blasts throughout my soul. Stay yellow, my friends.

Cheers

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Schnipper’s

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Sometimes in life you just have to leave the office and go on a hot dog review. After a very quick google search with relatively low expectations I found Schnipper’s. Then, after saying “Schnipper’s” to myself mutliple times and giggling even more multiples of times in between, it was time to devour a dog. A Schnipper’s dog. Ha… Schnipper’s. Schnipper’s is a pretty good name for, like, a pet fish… or gerbil. Yeah, Schnippers the gerbil. That’s it. Even better, say it in a heavy british accent, “‘Ello, this is Schnippers the gerbil! Look at him in his little tophat!” And I digress… let me guide you through this unexpected hot dog wonder of midtown that is Schnipper’s.


Located on Lexington and 51st, Schnipper’s is most definitely a chain. Albeit a small chain with only four locations, it still has a very chainy feel. There’s a line that has rules, and you take a little buzzy thingy to your table that doesn’t even buzz, and its a whole system that is pretty undesirable. I’m like a gerbil on his wheel; a cog in the machine. (I must miss my deceased gerbils from high school, Freddie and Jackson. Why else would I have mentioned gerbils twice in a blog?) Regardless, I was impressed by their freshly brewed sweet tea and fresh squeezed lemonade selection which allowed me make a refreshing Arnold Palmer. Even more importantly, I was pleasantly surprised when I asked for their best dog. The immediate answer was the sloppy dog. Sloppy Joe on a hot dog. Manwich on a Ball Park. Think about how fat that is. Heartburn, constipation, and early onset diabetes on a bun. Sign me up.

The weiner looks gorgeous. I can already tell the actual sausage is of high quality because of the way the skin curls at the end. It also has a balance of length and girth that compliments the bun well. Nestled on the glorious hilltop of hot dog is a massive mound of sloppy joe meat, adorned with cheddar cheese like an angel’s heavenly halo. My first bite is wonderful. I literally had to puncture the skin of the hot dog, which is exactly how it should be. There was the ever desirable snap, then an influx of sloppy joe meat that flowed into the classic hot dog taste for a perfect balance. I felt like Goldilocks in her chair with her porridge. Juuusssttt right.

 schnippergifOK, I know I’ve only been to a few places, but Schnipper’s was the best so far. Yes, its a little chainy, and yes, I laugh everytime I say Schnipper’s, but they made a damn good dog and I am incredibly happy that I discovered this place via google. There were the classic char-grilled elements of a hot dog that brought me back to, quoth Dick, “the good ol’ days of weiner-eatin”, and also the cafeteria inspired goodness of the sloppy joe. What a dog. I highly recommend it to the big and the small, the short and the tall… this dog is a dog for all.

4 weenies.

Cheers

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Old Town Bar

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Ahhhhhhhhh, chili dogs. Chili dogs, chili dogs, chili dogs. That’s right, my friends, the first chili dog I will review as a nyweenie bloggist starts right now. Before I begin, I need to preface this review with some very important information. The placement of chili on a hot dog as a topping is the single greatest thing to ever happen in the realm of food. Yes, mustard is the most important condiment for a hot dog, but that seems like a logical decision. Adding chili to a dog, well, that’s just flat out creative. Add 10 cc’s of creativity with a double dose of meat on a bun, then top it off with a little cheese. I’m pretty sure that is exactly what lies behind St. Peter and his gate. Now, I will try to be as unbiased as possible as I walk you through my experience at Old Town Bar.


Located on 18th street in the Flatiron district, Old Town Bar looks just as it sounds: old. This isn’t a negative usage of the word “old”, though. This place has character. The floors are aged tile, and the bar is marble. With high lofty ceilings, a lot of dark wood, and some chandeliers, I feel like I’m in another era. The beer selection is also wonderful. There is nary a TV in the establishment, and to quote my good friend Mike, “There’s not a single TV in here. This is a bar for drinking.” I order the chili dog, and it is easy to tell that it is a featured item on the menu, as it is in red, and in parentheses “(As featured on Martha Stewart)”. Well, now I’m excited, because if Justin Bieber is cool with getting roasted by Martha Stewart, I am definitely cool with eating a hot dog she recommends.

The weenie comes out, and it looks and smells amazing. Doused in chili, I can’t even see the bun. Quickly I realize that I won’t be able to pick this up and must attack with a fork. The first bite is great. The chili has some nice spice, and the frank is certainly of high quality. There is a nice little layer of shredded cheddar on top that melts just enough to please. On the side, I ordered potato salad which is a refreshing option over the usual fries or no side at all. Eating this dog is a full dining experience. At 11 dollars, this is one of the priciest dogs I’ve had, and it is truly wonderful. However, I can’t even pick it up, which is quite bothersome. It almost seems as if I’m not eating a real hot dog, and that takes away from the experience. We’ve found ourselves in a territory beyond buns, and it just doesn’t feel like home. It sure does make for a good picture, though.

  

After some intense deliberation, I have finally come to a rating: 3.5 weenies.

This may seem low based on what I wrote previously, but keep in mind that I am rating the hot dog. The experience is certainly a factor, but ultimately I’m looking for the best hot dog in NYC, not the best bar. As far as bars go, I highly recommend Old Town Bar. In fact, I will definitely be back to eat a standard dog and enjoy another craft beer.

Old Boys like old bars. This old boy really liked Old Town Bar.

Cheers

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National Hot Dog Day: An Homage

Posted on by nyweenies

It is July 23rd, 2015. The National Hot Dog & Sausage Council of the USA has found it in their hearts to declare this day a day for celebration. Go forth and celebrate, my friends!! This post will be a two part homage to get us all in the mood to enjoy our hot dogs today.

Part 1: History

According to the American Meat Institute, sausages on rolls were first sold in the 1860’s. The first recorded hot dog vendor was Charles Feltman in 1871 on Coney Island here in good old New York City. In 1893, there was a massive Colombian exposition in Chicago, and the hot dog blew up from there. The same year, it was the official snack served in ball parks across the country. The name literally comes from making fun of dachsunds, or wiener dogs. So, there is your real hot dog history… below is my paraphrased version.

“A bunch of German dudes were really into their sausages from Frankfurt known as Frankfurters. This awesome, genius, demi-god of a man named Chuck Feltman came across the pond and sold a bunch of his incredibly delicious sausages on bread. No fork needed! The invention then becomes American as !*$&, and they’re being dished out left and right at ball games and from carts in cities around the country. Next thing you know, we’ve got Nathan’s Hot Dogs, Ball Parks, Hebrew Nationals, Sabretts, Kobayashi, Joey Chestnut, the Oscar Meyer Weenie-Mobile and the greatest food on the planet. God bless Chuck Feltman. God bless hot dogs.”

  

                                                                   
                                                                     

(Pictured above: Chuck Feltman, the legend, and below George Washington being served his first dog. Note: he was gluten free.)

Part 2: An Original Poem

Pure Bliss

Devolving from a human state

The first bite, a kiss…

A kiss of meaty goodness!

Eternal desire

The hot dog is what I taste.

May your mustard shine forever

And your skin eternally crisp.

You, glorious weenie, are it.

Pure Bliss

So, with that, and before I get emotional, thus ends my homage. Go out and get those weenies today, and enjoy the gift on earth that is the hot dog. Below, I leave you with my own home-grilled creations cooked on the family grill in Virginia.

Cheers

  

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Frankie’s Dogs On The Go

Posted on by nyweenies

The leftovers of patriotism from July 4th still lingered. It was Friday, the work week was winding down, and something was missing. My life felt incomplete, and I couldn’t process complete thoughts or remember Taylor Swift lyrics. There was a void inside me that mere mortals could never hope to explain. How does one fulfill this void? Impromptu hot dog review. There aren’t a lot of good dog spots near work, but luckily my coworkers and I found one in an iconic American building: Grand Central Terminal. If you haven’t been, its a pretty magnificent place. Spanning 48 acres, accommodating 21.6 million visitors per year, and hosting 525,600 minutes of flash dances, the picture below puts it all in perspective. ‘Murica.

  
   
In case you didn’t realize it, I made a Rent joke just then… like, the musical. Anyways, pictured above is the menu. Notice that they chose the McDonald’s marketing method — everything starts with Frankies. The place is humble, signs are small, and it is literally in the middle of the Grand Central food court. So, the atmosphere leaves something to be desired, but I honestly don’t care if the wiener is good. The variety offered here is exactly what every dog fan wants. There are hot dogs for all moods, but I have to play by the rules, so I simply asked for their best dog. The employee working that day wasn’t too sure what that was. She tried to ask me questions, to which I replied, “your best dog.” Confused and frustrated, she eventually landed on a Chicago Dog, because, well, it “sounded good”. I honestly think she chose it because it was first on the menu. Strike one, Frankies. Rule number 14 of a hot dog stand: employees must know and love their product. So, I order a Chicago and also a classic with mustard. This is a meal, not a snack.

After ordering, time suddenly became a factor as we realized we had to get back to the office for a 1:00 meeting. Luckily this is Frankie’s “On The Go”, so the dogs were packaged up and we headed back. Strike 2, Frankies. Hot dogs are called hot dogs because they are best at a certain temperature: hot. Any transportation time can severely jeopardize this crucial factor. The entire walk back I was sweating. This wasn’t because of the temperature outside, oh no, I was sweating with anticipation. Finally we get back to the office, we all unearth our dogs, dial in to the conference call, and dig in. 

   
 
I started with the Chicago dog. It looks amazing. Tomotoes, peppers, pickles, onions, mustard, and spices. I’ve had some amazing Chicago style weenies before and this looks up to the test. The first bite was great. Then, in between the time I had to say something on the conference call and the time I would take the next bite, I was hit with it. The spice on this dog invaded my mouth and took my taste buds hostage. I wasn’t allowed to taste anything else. It was overbearing and, quite simply, just too much. This experience was kind of like when you go to a party and there’s the really loud outgoing guy with a bright shirt and a dumb haircut. You really like him at first, but after about 2 minutes of conversation you realize that he sucks. The actual frank looked like a quality sausage, the bun was well prepared, but the toppings were overkill. At this point, I wasn’t feeling great about Frankies.

Next was the classic yellow mustard dog — always my favorite. This was a high quality hot dog. I thoroughly enjoyed it and it was prepared very well. I have two critiques: the bun should be toasted more, and the wiener should be charred more. Furthermore, the 3 guys I went with all had great looking, well-reviewed dogs. Dick had one with baked beans, the intern had something epic, and even gluten free Joey V had a bunless dog that looked halfway decent. You’ll never catch me eating a dog without a bun, but even this was probably better than my Chicago dog. (As long as it wasn’t served with an Angry Orchard or a Redbridge.)

My review: 2 weenies.

In summary, the place has potential and I will probably go back for a different dog. The problem is that on that day there was a lady working there who told me that their best dog was their worst dog. Little did they know that nyweenies.com was in the house and I don’t mess around. Strike 3, Frankies. You put a non-hot-dog-lover at the helm and I will expose that weakness. If you are Megatron, I am the cold. If you are Achilles, I am your heel. I found your kryptonite, Frankies. Now the world will know your secrets. (But your yellow mustard dog was pretty damn good.)

Cheers

  

P.S. National Hot Dog Day is Thursday… 

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Rudy’s Bar and Grill

Posted on by nyweenies

As I begin to type, it is dawning on me that I am actually starting a hot dog blog. Unreal.

For my first review, I journey to a place I have visited numerous occasions in the past. It only makes sense to me that the first dog I rate is from one of my favorite spots: Rudy’s. Located in Hell’s Kitchen on 44th and 9th, it is one of the oldest spots around. My friend Mike and I (I always try to eat a dog with a friend) were on our way out east for the weekend and were jonesin’ for a cold beer and a weenie to kick it off. 

Before we even get in I am laughing with glee at the sight of a massive pig waving at me outside. Much like a kid in a candy store, I am Jack at a hot dog bar. The second I walk in I am struck with that familiar smell. Something like a piece of driftwood that has been sitting in a bucket of vomit for a week, baked, and dipped in vinegar. Heaven. We grab two seats at the end of the bar and are promptly greeted by a kind elderly woman. “2 Rudy’s Blondes and 2 dogs, please.” 

   
 
Yes, they have their own beer. But, here’s the greatest, most epic, most God-bless-America part: the hot dogs are free. That’s right, with the purchase of any drink, you receive as many free wieners as you’d like. This is why this bar is one of my favorites. Not only that, but it is super cheap. Each pint of beer is 3 dollars. They have a shot and beer special for 5 dollars. So, if getting hammered and eating hot dogs is your thing, this is the spot for you.

Now for the actual hot dog. Behind the bar, there is a 7-11 style rotisserie with a bunch of boys sweatin’ waiting their turn. It reminds me of the physical fitness tests in middle school. None of these weenies want to be embarrassed; they’re getting prepared for the big stage. The only way you can have a dog here is with ketchup and mustard. The toppings are placed on with precision, and the smell overcomes the ghoulish surroundings to put you in a brand new mental state. I take a look at MIke, and with a big smile, its time for the first bite.

   
 
The dog is good. I’m not going to say it’s wonderful, but it is an unboiled, well-made wiener with a solid personality. He’s dependable. You can count on this guy when you need him. Need to crash for the night because you locked your keys in your apartment? Rudy’s hot dog. Need someone to talk to after your girlfriend dumped you? Rudy’s hot dog. Your momma likes the cat more than you? Rudy’s hot dog. Nothin’ fancy, not trying to impress you, but its good… and its free. The bun is probably not fresh, nor is the dog, but it is probably the best they can do with those ingredients. I am pleased.

So, I hereby give a Rudy’s hot dog 3 Weenies. 

Then, in some sort of twist of destiny, as I leave I notice a sign above the door to the back patio. “Jack’s Backyard”. It was meant to be. Cheers.