Daddy-O

After 30 or so hot dog blogs, one would think that this craft would get boring. Well, one… you are wrong! There is always something new and exciting out there, especially in the wonderful town of New York City. This time, it’s a pure, unadulterated, uncured, unsmoked concoction of pork, beef, and veal. It’s Tom Cruise in a sauna. It’s boiling milk. It’s as if the island of Nantucket went up in flames. It’s a White Hot. They’re from Rochester, they’re delicious, and Daddy-O imports these bad boys from Zweigle’s for our eating pleasure. Hallelujah. Somebody give me an “A-men.”

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The Daddy-O “pop-open” hot dog, topped with Norm’s Beef Hot Sauce, Mustard, and Diced Onions. I don’t know who Norm is, hopefully Norm MacDonald, but whoever he is, he made some epic sauce. The mustard is not my favorite French’s yellow, but I’ve gotten used to this fact, and I’m pretty sure most New Yorkers will disagree with my preference anyway. The spicy brown accompanies the hot sauce well. After the mustard and hot sauce comes the onions. Normally I am against onions on a dog, but here they compliment the other strong flavors with grace. There aren’t so many that I am drowning in a Vidalia tear pool, but there are enough for an onion fan to enjoy. The toppings are on point, Daddy-O. Well done.

The best part of the dog however, is the dog itself. White hots are awesome. Kudos to Zweigle’s for producing a very high quality sausage. The only reason they are white is their uncured nature, which many may find appealing. They’re all natural. That’s trendy these days. Sure, they don’t have Kale, quinoa, and coconut oil, but this is about as close as you’ll get to vegan or healthy with me. (Sorry “by Chloe,” we eat real food here.) The folks at Daddy-O char grill the sausage to perfection, leaving a juicy, savory wiener inside a decently toasted bun. White hots tend to be bigger than other wieners as well (although this may not be true in other aspects of life), so this particular dog was very filling and could certainly be a meal. You also have the option to go for a normal frankfurter from Zweigle’s if trying the white hot isn’t your thing. However, doing so would be lame and uncouth. This is the first white hot I’ve seen in the city and it’s incredible. Go eat it. Don’t be uncouth.

4.25 weenies

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Tell me you’re not hungry. You won’t.

P.S. I hope everyone had a weenie on opening day. Baseball basically exists for hot dogs, not the other way around. Sooooo, there’s that. Wieners for the pennant!

Cheers

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Crimson & Rye

Move over Kobe, your time is up. I’m glad you’re retiring, because there’s a new beef in the house. What’s up Wagyu! Sure, Wagyu doesn’t sound as good as Kobe, look as good as Kobe, or win championships as well as Kobe. However, Wagyu can stuff himself inside of an intestine and make a damn good hot dog. For those completely confused by my bizarre metaphor, I was lucky enough to enjoy a Wagyu beef hot dog from Crimson & Rye. Kobe beef is another type of beef from Japan known to be the highest quality. Wagyu is good too, just not as good as Kobe. But, Kobe is retiring, so… *balls up a piece of paper, shoots into the trash can*… Wagyu!

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Yes, that’s what they’re servin’ up at Crimson and Rye. That there is a tantalizing concoction of Wagyu goodness. On top of this wiener is a semi-spicy relish, sauteed onions, and a beautiful whole grain mustard sauce. All of this is enclosed in a preposterously gorgeous potato bun unlike any I’ve ever had. The flavors that the toppings add here are quite strong, but luckily they work well together.  Imagine Eddie Murphy, Christopher Walken, and Christian Bale are forced into a room together. Sure, there is going to be a lot going on since they are all big personalities, and something bad may happen, but it will definitely be exciting.

The foundation of the dog is solid. What else is solid? Oh I don’t know, diamonds, steel, and Stone Cold Steve Austin’s abs. That’s not bad company to be in. The sausage is really good, but not quite what I expected Wagyu to be. If a cut of beef has a specific, commonly used name, it should be pretty awesome right? Yes, it was very good, but it wasn’t stellar. The dog was big, beefy, and flavorful, but had no snap and had a pink color that I just couldn’t get behind. I couldn’t tell how the dog was cooked, but I am pretty sure it wasn’t grilled so I wasn’t a huge fan of its preparation. Regardless, it was still amazing, I just have to find something to complain about or else this wouldn’t be interesting.

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Epic weenie. The mustard relish combo is traditional. I like traditional because it works. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Well done Crimson & Rye.

4.25 weenies

Fun fact time for the readers. Crimson and Rye is in the Lipstick Building. The Lipstick Building formerly hosted one Bernie Madoff. Bernie Madoff formerly stole a whole lot of people’s money in an elaborate Ponzi scheme. What do Bernie Madoff and I have in common? We are both thieves. He is a thief because he stole people’s money, and I am a thief because I stole your time. You just read about a hot dog for a few minutes. You could have been reading the news. Good choice, the news stinks. Thanks for reading.

Cheers

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Papaya Dog

It’s 7:56 PM and I haven’t had dinner yet. I’m fresh off of a bar crawl, getting off the subway to meander to my friend’s apartment. There, on the horizon, shines bright like a diamond, a beacon of hope. For 4 dollars I could devour 2 of my favorite things in the world and be completely full, recharged, and ready for the night. Of course I stop in. In my opinion, you have to be outside of your mind to not stop in. Look at the picture above. It is a paradise of culinary delicacies that one could only hope for in heaven. The best part about this paradise is it won’t cost you any money! This place is literally helping society by providing low cost health plans to the general public. I don’t care how much money you make, you can afford Papaya Dog. Bernie Sanders loves this place.

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Political jokes aside, look at those bad boys. I don’t know about the readers, but I’ll take that image over the SI Swimsuit cover any day. I mean, let’s be honest, Ronda Rousey and the Dove bar soap girl make up two thirds of the covers now. Regardless of your preference, I ordered a nacho cheese and a chili dog. The “nacho” cheese was exactly what I was looking for: melted Kraft singles. The chili, however, had the most appeal, because unlike many other types of hot dog chili, this one had beans. Loads of beans. Let’s take a step back and really take a good look at the bean, or the legume, if you will. It is one of the healthiest, tastiest, most abundant sources of nutrition on the planet. There are many types of beans, all of which peacefully coexist. Kidney beans, pinto beans, black beans, navy beans, and even lima beans, all offer a different flavor and appearance to those lucky enough to consume. In a way, beans are the humans of the earth. This is why we should love them. Any way, I was excited about that bean loaded chili.

The bun is nicely toasted, and the wieners came out quickly. The wieners were hot, and with nowhere to sit I wasted little time diving in. Much like the other rival papaya hot dog joints in the city, the sausage itself is relatively thin, but flavorful. The difference here is the consistency. I felt a little bit like I was eating a slim jim. Now, before that sounds terrible, I love slim jims, obviously, because I love all things cheap and loaded with preservatives. However, it is a negative observation in this case because when compared to the other papaya joints I’ve reviewed (Papaya King and Gray’s Papaya), the sausage just doesn’t compare. The King of the Papaya’s is still the aptly named Papaya King on the Upper East side. But, I will never speak poorly of a place that offers decent cheap dogs at all hours of the day. I have been to Papaya Dog many times before, and I will go again.

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Now, because this is a NY Weenies @ Night edition, I have to tell a story. After I ate the two dogs, I was still hungry because I always seem to be hungry and I had been consuming adult beverages earlier in the day. My friend told me he would buy me a corn dog if, as I ate it, I asked the next person I saw a question. This question had to be, “would you like to taste my wiener?” So, I’d like to apologize to the person on the street I embarrassed that day. Just take solace in the fact that I slathered that corn dog in French’s yellow mustard and downright cherished it. Thank you, stranger.

Cheers

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Cartagena, Colombia Street Dog

Believe it or not, I went to Colombia for a vacation with some buddies of mine. The land was beautiful, the architecture vibrant, and the culture friendly and welcoming. Believe it or not, I came back alive and with no effects of Zika. However, only 1 in every 5 people who have Zika show symptoms, and there’s some sort of incubation period, and I was without question bitten by a mosquito… but let’s forget about that. Believe it or not, and this is by far the biggest “believe it or not,” I found a hot dog to review in a foreign land where I spoke almost zero English. Believe.

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I know you can’t see it, but trust me, there is a sausage under there. Although it would be a pretty awesome conspiracy to fake a weenie review in South America, I didn’t have to. I’m looking at you, United States government. Nice “moon landing.” Anyway, I was able to find this weenie on the third night of a four night adventure. When we first arrived in the city of Cartagena, I saw some franks in the super market, even foot-longs which was super exciting. However, I never saw any at restaurants or stands, so I thought I was going to have to grill one myself. “Un perro caliente para mi.” Epic.

But alas, along the corner of the wall near the majestic clock tower at the entrance to the historic walled city, and young man was grilling weenies. After I basically just told him “si, si, si… uhhh, si?” he handed over a weenie unlike any I’d ever had. That is the perfect way to experience a foreign country.

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Look at that bad boy. The amount of bread surrounding the frank basically blocked my ability to taste it. But, it did have some delicious sauces on it. I watched the man put a pink sauce, a red sauces, and a yellow sauce down, then top it off with fried potato bits. My guess is the pink sauce was a mayonnaise-ketchup hybrid. The red sauce had some spice to it, and based on the sauce I received with my empanadas earlier, it was a tomato based hot sauce. Then, the yellow sauce was sadly not mustard. It was tangy and bright, which was odd, and I don’t even know what it added to the sandwich. What a waste of a yellow sauce. I don’t understand how any human could pass up on French’s yellow mustard here. Mind boggling. There’s a huge port in Cartagena, I guarantee they could import it. The potatoes on top were the best part. Crispy, crunchy goodness was gracefully sprinkled like fairy dust on top of this weenie. Si, muy bien.

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The guy above was only trying to take my money, but it made for a good photo. At the end of the day, the Colombia dog was OK. There was too much bread, but the unique sauces were pretty tasty and the potato topping delectable. The actual sausage had no snap or much flavor that I could tell. It probably could have been tofu and I wouldn’t have known. Don’t even get me started on tofu… it won’t be pretty.

2.5 weenies

Sure, it wasn’t the greatest dog, but it was a great experience. Colombia is a wonderful place to travel. Everything is cheap and there are basically no rules. In fact, the hot dog I had cost 4,000 pesos ($1.19), but my buddy Mike’s cost 10,000 pesos ($2.97) and they were identical. Nothing makes sense, but that’s why it is fun. Now there’s a motto to live by.

Cheers

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Ben’s Kosher Deli

I am ferociously dedicated to hot dogs. My devotion to the weenie is undying. Just about 2 hours ago, I walked 20 minutes from work… to a deli I had no enthusiasm for… in 10 degree wind chilled temperatures… alone… simply to eat a hot dog, take pictures of it, and write about it. If I told that to a psychiatrist, I’d be in a straight jacket right now. In fact, I heard about this deli because I’m pretty sure a dude I never met before in an Uber pool told me about it. Thanks, guy. Regardless of the struggle and the insanity, I can honestly tell you all that this was indeed the highlight of my day and I’d like to tell you about it.

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Behold. The frank from Ben’s extremely commercial, Jewish, and Kosher (I guess that’s still Jewish) Deli. Now, you may remember that I wasn’t a fan of another big commercial touristy Jewish deli. (Katz’s Deli) So, I wasn’t incredibly enthused about Ben’s, especially since it is just south of Times Square on 38th and 7th. The place was a little bizarre, and definitely huge and commercial as I feared. However, when I told them I didn’t want to sit down and be waited on, and I only wanted a hot dog at the bar, they looked at me oddly, but were very accommodating. For $9.95 the hot dog comes with a drink, 3 different types of pickles, coleslaw, sauerkraut, and a huge knish. This is an epic deal, especially if you’re poor. A quick side note on the knish: I love this invention. Whichever lovely Jewish man with gorgeous curls invented it must have been a sweetheart.

Let’s get into the weenie details. The dog comes out with ‘kraut on the side and no toppings at all. They only have this odd spicy brown mustard that I’ve never seen, called Gold’s. It is no French’s yellow, but it is pretty good, and I’m a little surprised by it. I applied it with incredible precision, and even added kraut because I was feeling the whole NYC Jewish vibe. The bun is nicely toasted, but maybe a little on the light side, as in I couldn’t see any grill marks or bun browning. That’s a new one: “bun browning.” It sounds like something the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders do as a pre-game warm up routine.

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Anyway, the first bite is marvelous, because the snap in this weenie is next level. You can tell there’s some real intestine on the outside of this bad boy and its glorious. There is a strong, 100% beef flavor, that is the tell-tale sign of a high quality frankfurter. This is a pure hot dog. If you are a plain weenie person, I think this would be on the top of your list. One unfortunate thing that happened to me, however, happened over time. Towards the end of eating the hot dog, I got a little tired of the snap. It was as if there was too much casing, and I had to chew through the sausage. This goes to prove that too much of a good thing can be a bad thing. Moderation in life is key. I didn’t think it could happen with the snap, but it did. I would definitely recommend this weenie, though. “One flaw a mistake does not make,” Yoda once said.

3.5 weenies

Is eating a hot dog alone at the bar of a huge time square deli sad? Am I a pathetic human being? To the haters I say nay. I say, in the words of Kelly Clarkson, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Unfortunately, eating a ton of hot dogs my eventually kill me. Eh. YOLO.

Cheers

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3 Sheets Saloon

3 Sheets Saloon is part of a family of bars that is known for attracting 21-24 year-olds for incredibly cheap drinks, beer games, and a college vibe. You’ll notice in the picture above the word “she” is taken out of the name. That’s no coincidence. This bar is always filled with dudes. Dude fest. Sausage fest. What a great place to serve a hot dog! This is an example of an incredible marketing plan and I’m buying into it. Pour me a 3 dollar Bobby Lewis and serve me up a weenie to eat among a bunch of other weenies. This is livin’.

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Above rests the 3 Sheets Dog with a side of tater tots. The mustard was self applied, but the bacon… oh, the bacon, was not. Here we have a bacon wrapped, deep fried, cheese-filled dog. Hopefully you all remember the wonderful Harlem Shake bacon wrapped Sonoran Dog. That was a huge winner, so I was hoping for the same here. Unfortunately this one lacked something just looking at it. It lacked freshness. I’m actually not sure how to describe it, but I can tell you that it just didn’t possess the quality or the craftsmanship that I’d hope. I then remembered where I was and forgot about these silly expectations I had. I was at the college watering hole. “Baby Got Back” still plays over the speakers here hourly. People don’t go here for quality, they go here for quantity. Oh my, was this quantity.

The first taste is the bacon. Cheap, awesome bacon that is somehow stuck to the weenie inside. The next taste is the mustard I chose to apply. (Note the waitress teased me when I asked if they had yellow mustard, she said yes, brought out a yellow container, and inside lay the spicy brown pond scum. Or, “dirty brown water trash.” – Workaholics) Soon after followed the sausage, which had a very smoky flavor to it that I very much enjoyed. Then, a gargantuan influx of melted white cheese. This is the kind of cheese that is so fake you can only call it American; even more fake than my favorite Kraft Singles. This cheese tastes like it could sit on a shelf for 3 years. Now that’s some cheese.

Nothing was incredibly memorable, but it did taste pretty damn good. How could anything be bad if you add fake cheese and bacon to it, though? I mean, it can’t be hard to succeed in the restaurant industry once you know this secret. Anything could be good with this type of treatment. Leo would win an Oscar if he were deep fried, bacon wrapped, and cheese-filled. I guarantee it.

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(I certainly didn’t mind the crisp dill slices to the left either…)

I really enjoyed this hot dog, even though I knew it wasn’t very good. I’d compare this weenie devouring experience to going to a WWE event. You know it’s stupid, you know it’s excessive, but you’re still somehow incredibly amused. You’re surrounded by dudes enjoying a ridiculous experience. In this case, the ridiculous experience was a deep fried, bacon wrapped, cheese filled, 3 Sheets Saloon Dog.

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If that didn’t convince you, nothing will.

Cheers

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The Bearded Lady: Christmas Eve

It’s Christmas Eve. Rather than get in the Christmas spirit by listening to Christmas music, baking cookies, and stuffing socks full of useless trinkets, I am choosing to write about a hot dog. The story of this hot dog, in my opinion, truly embodies the spirit of Christmas. It all began on a Saturday morning. I had purchased a Santa suit in preparation to run a 4 mile race called the jingle bell jog, where my plan was to don the suit and attempt to make it across the finish line with my coworkers. Given that I write about a hot dog once a week, y’all know I can’t be in great shape. Well, Saturday morning race day comes along, and I wake up to multiple missed calls and texts. It is 10 minutes to race time and there is no way I make it to Brooklyn on time. Epic fail. Rather than stay in and sulk, however, I make it out to Brooklyn to participate in the post race bar crawl. Part of that bar crawl took place at a bar called the Bearded Lady, which, by some sort of Christmas miracle, served hot dogs. Santa is real, and he presented me with this gift even though I was a bad boy. No coal this time, just a weenie for me. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, indeed.

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Behold the Chicago dog. As I’ve mentioned before, Chicago dogs are great, but usually mood weenies. What is a mood weenie? Every once in a while, you get in a strange mood and crave chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, right? Imagine that chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream is a Chicago dog. It’s not your go-to, but when you’re in a weird mood, it’s money. Luckily, given the events of the morning prior, I was in a weird mood, and a Chicago dog called my name. Chicago dogs are essentially gardens on top of sausages. You have your tomatoes, pickles, onions, peppers, and most importantly mustard. My favorite part about the Chicago dog is the way the yellow mustard (always yellow, obviously) interacts with the pickle to form this graceful, harmonious marriage that is most definitely legal everywhere in the US except for Alabama.

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Now, remember, we are in Brooklyn, so this is not a traditional Chicago dog. We have here a very thin toasted bun which allows for emphasis on the toppings. The toppings are diced up and covered in black pepper, which is very rare for a Chicago dog. In fact, I’ve never seen this before. It is almost as if there is some form of pico de gallo adorning the sausage. I have to say it works very well. Then, the weenie itself. Let me give a shout out again to the Brooklyn Hot Dog Co,  serving up another delicious sausage. They are long, tasty, and of incredible quality. I still long for a little more snap, but definitely some of the best sausages around. This is a very bold weenie, at a very bold place, with very bold cocktails. I highly recommend both the bar and the hot dog they serve. If you’re ever near Prospect Park, this is a great rest stop to shoot some pool and enjoy a cocktail and a dog.

3.5 weenies

Now, in honor of Christmas, a poem. This is a mashup of some of your favorite Christmas hits, entitled “Hot Dogs for Thee”.

On Dasher, on Dancer, on Schnippers, Papaya

On Comet and Cupid, The Cannibal and Rudy’s

A hot dog comes for thee, oh yum yum yum yum

A king weenie we seek, oh yum yum yum yum

Deck the halls with loads of weenies

Fatty fatty fat, we get so fat

A hot dog comes for thee, oh yum yum yum yum

A king weenie we seek, oh yum yum yum yum”

From the middle of my heart (the bottom makes no sense), thanks for all of the support in 2015. See you in 2016, as there are still many weenies to try! God bless you all and have a wonderful holiday! 

Cheers

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The Rusty Knot

This review took me to the annals of the west village, on the water where the Pirates gather to discuss their recently discovered booty. I was nautically inspired, and drank a Montauk ale among the seamen. Ahoy, indeed, mates. Then, I realized two very important things. First, that it is very easy to make crude pirate jokes. Second, that a knot physically cannot rust. A knot is usually made of rope, which is not a metal, meaning that it cannot oxidize. Without oxidation, there can be no rust. Similarly, without a good bun, there can be no good hot dog. Enter the Rusty Knot and the pretzel dog.

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When I read about the pretzel dog I was very excited. Pretzels are generally quite good, and pretzel dough is fat and excellent. Hot dogs are obviously also fat and excellent, so when you mix two fat and excellent things you get a double fat and excellent sandwich. Salt is also a great component of a pretzel which could go well with the savory hot dog flavor. However, the end result of this creation was not how it was supposed to be.

The number one rule of wrapping a pretzel around a hot dog is to ensure that the pretzel is soft. This pretzel was crunchy on the outside, like a stale popcorn shrimp. Even worse, think of a hunk of cheese that sat out overnight and you accidentally bit into it without realizing it. That’s some next level imagery. The number two rule of wrapping a pretzel around a hot dog is to keep it on the hot dog. This one fell off and moved like a hybrid slinky-accordion. If I put this on the top if the stairs, it would gracefully slink down the stairs to the tune of “Play that Funky Music White Boy” because apparently that is a song that is commonly played on the accordion. Then, the hot dog itself wasn’t cooked enough and had nary a snap. As Boomer says on Monday Night… c’mon man. Overall, the pretzel idea was poorly executed.

In the above artsy, tiled, picture gallery contraption you can see the accordion figure of the pretzel a little better. You can also see a few positive things. You can order a pickle for 2 bucks. That’s phenomenal. There is guacamole in play. Stellar. Then, there is yellow mustard dipping sauce. This is the only thing that saved this dog from being absolutely demolished in the ratings.

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Quite honestly I feel bad that this is the lowest dog ranked yet. I enjoyed the bar and the experience overall. I even took this guy I met on the street from Arkansas there because I thought it would be good. I would go to the bar again for certain. They have a pool table, and a campy nautical vibe that is very appealing. There’s a real fish tank! Regardless, (and not irregardless, that’s not a word so stop saying it America), it wasn’t a good hot dog and that’s just a fact.

Cheers

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Humboldt & Jackson

Well, I found myself in Brooklyn again. This time was far enough away that I caught people giving me funny glances as I walked around the streets. While it is in Williamsburg, it is definitely in the back of Williamsburg. Back here is where the Wicked Witch of the West summers. The rat from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles has a place here. Have you seen PeeWee’s Big Adventure? This is where Large Marge lives. However, nestled within this barrio is a little taquito of holiness called Humboldt and Jackson, serving up excellent All-American drinks and snacks. It’s crafty.

  
Before I get into the deliciousness that is pictured above, let me start out by saying that these guys serve something called “beer cheese fondue”. I cannot name a single time in life where if that was on the menu I wouldn’t order it. It was amazing, and I highly recommend it. Beer is good, cheese is good, and fondue is fun to say in a french accent with a beret on. Beer cheese fondue is a fantastic invention. (Maybe they should put some of it on a hot dog.)

Now, the weenie itself. The Chili Verde Dog. H&J is all about small market beers, and they keep constant with that theme in their hot dogs. The weenie itself is from Brooklyn Hot Dog Co., a local sausage maker. If I knew that was a profession that I could tell a guidance counselor in elementary school, it would have been on the top of my list. Not only is it local, it tastes damn good. Note to self, I need to visit the weenie factory soon. Then, laid gracefully on top of the dog is the chili verde. This is certainly a first for me, and a pretty unique, hipster-y topping. I am definitely a fan of it, but I’m not so sure it should be on a hot dog. If you’ve ever eaten flautas, this hot dog is essentially flautas plus a sausage. There are some mexican soft cheeses and diced onions on top as well that help cut the spice of the chili verde. The bun is toasted with care, and they even stuck a little American flag in it. How perfect is that? 

  
Obviously I enjoyed it. The weenie in general was kind of like that kid that you stay friends with only because he is interesting. You don’t want to hang out with him all the time, but every once in a while he provides a little spark to your drab, meaningless, mundane existence. Pop some chili verde on that bad boy and that’s the personality you’ll get in the dog. Good, but not great. Mexican, but American. Sauce, but not salsa. Ornate, not elegant.

3.5 weenies

I would also like to point out that I did not plan on coming to this establishment, nor did I know they had hot dogs. I was more than pleasantly surprised with the place in general and the fact that they had a gourmet hot dog on the menu. They specialize in beer and wine pairings and everything that they serve was really good. Go there. 

On a more serious note, what has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper…

Cheers

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Ditch Plains

At one point in our lives we were all children. At that same point in our lives we all loved Macaroni and Cheese. Well, I am still at that point in my life, and let me tell you… I’ve got the blues. Kraft Mac-a-roni and Cheeeese. I love Mac n’ Cheese! If you don’t, I question your existence as a human being. The only excuse you may have is lactose intolerance. Even then, fight through and attack the mac. Squeeze the cheese. Put your nose in the elbows. Feel the steam from the cream. Be daft with the Kraft. Eat yo’ Mac n’ Cheese, y’all. It’s pretty simple. Even better, put it on a hot dog. Luckily, the folks at Ditch Plains accomplished just that.

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Yes, that is real. The Ditch Dog at Ditch Plains. This is a great spot. Located in the West Village, it has a very chill vibe, plenty of good beers on tap, and some great menu options that are pretty affordable. They also have a nice selection of hot dogs, which is obviously what I got excited about. Without much hesitation, the bartender referred me to the Ditch Dog because that is what “put them on the map.” This dude was right on the money. When it came out to the bar, the image in front of me was something that could rival a Picasso. However, I must warn, if for any reason you don’t like Mac n’ Cheese (as previously stated you would be a moron if this was true), steer clear of this dog. Also, if the frank were plain, I’m not sure how great it would have been. The hot dog itself is a little scrawny and without snap. That is my only criticism. The mac is so creamy and delicious, and almost everything you taste in every bite is the Mac.  It’s honestly just a very creative way to serve Macaroni and Cheese, and I’m completely OK with that. Two great things should be paired with each other to make even greater things. It’s a fact of life. For example: Sonny and Cher, Penn and Teller, Shaq and Kobe, or even reading the newspaper and sitting on the toilet. Why have one when you can have both? Mac n’ Cheese and hot dogs.

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Go eat it now. I had to leave another picture to remind you. It’s just too good to leave out. I highly recommend this dog, and was close to giving it the highest rating so far, but I think I was getting emotional or something. I was thinking about Matilda, and my childhood, and the happiness that came with it. Must. Use. Logic. Epic weenie.

4 weenies.

P.S. My thoughts about this recent “meat causes cancer” crap: what doesn’t cause cancer?! Phones, cardboard, satellites, carcinogens, plastic, air, deodorant, and now processed meat?! Give me a break. Apparently processed meat increases your chance of getting cancer by 17%. Most illogical, media guzzling Americans see that number and assume their chance of getting cancer is immediately 17% after they eat one piece of beef. Knock, knock, pudding heads, that 17% means that the 3 or 4 percent chance you already had of getting cancer is now 3.2 or 4.2 percent. Not a big deal. Eat your meat. Science is OK with it. I promise. If you’re going to get cancer it is probably from something else, such as living in this already cancer-prone world. Carcinogens might cause cancer too, a recent study suggested. Long live the meats.

P.P.S. “Load the grill with fatty meats. Put ’em on a bun, and eat eat eat.” – Sinbad

ditch plains

Cheers

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