McG’s??? …in Dublin

Oy lads! Your man fancied a pint or two of Gat in Dublin and on me way to the jacks I stumbled upon this here food truck near Croke Park. (English translation: Hey, guys! I had a few glasses of Guinness beer in Dublin, and on my way to the bathroom I found a food truck outside of Croke Park.) Now, I have no idea what the name of it was and the chances of me ever being in Dublin again are very small, so that picture above with me gleefully smiling in the reflection is all we have as evidence for now. For context, Croke Park is where the GAA Men’s Hurling finals were being played, and you better believe we were rooting for Galway. Luckily, as part of this adventure, this food truck had a hot dog, and luckily, even though I wasn’t hungry, my friends convinced me to eat it. Serendipity, indeed. Cheers.

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In Dublin, all of the food is super heavy. Full Irish breakfasts come with blood sausage made out of real blood, bangers (sausage), bacon, eggs, fries, and who knows what else. Fat, greasy, and gluttonous are the three main words I’d use to describe Irish food… and also our current President. But, as I digress, the best part is that Ireland’s average life expectancy is higher than the US. This is the only data I need to justify all of my endlessly caloric culinary endeavors. So, I consumed what we have up above, a weenie loaded with ketchup, mustard, cheddar cheese, and onions. Heartburn on a bun, just how I like it.

Going from the outside in, rapid fire: the bun was fluffy, un-toasted, and sort of lacking substance. The cheese was from a bag, but lot of good things come from bags, so I liked it. The ketchup was red and the mustard yellow, as it should be. The onions were grilled, allowing a sweet glaze to caress their curves, like a freshly baked Krispy Creme donut. Then, the weenie, although a little skinny, provided a minor snap and a smoky flavor that I wouldn’t expect from a non-hot dog bearing country.

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See what I did there? 3/17 is St. Patrick’s Day. Epic. So, now for the only reason I wrote this post – to share this .gif of me scarfing down a weenie and my buddy Chuck in the background makin’ a real lad face. Guys doin’ things. Lads doin’ Ireland.

Cheers

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The Ukraine is Weak: 4th of July 2017

“Do you know what the Ukraine is? It’s a sitting duck. A road apple, Newman. The Ukraine is weak. It’s feeble. I think it’s time to put a hurt on the Ukraine.” – Kramer in Seinfeld. Happy 4th of July everyone. On this special holiday, after almost 2 years of writing about hot dogs, I have decided to take this opportunity to put all of my gumption into verbally abusing a hot dog from another nation. We Americans have thrived off of being unfriendly, loud, fat, and annoying for years (especially in 1776), and I would like to continue this tradition today. A while back, I went to the Ukrainian Village in Manhattan with Mike and had a traditional Ukrainian hot dog. I have been waiting until this day to tell you how awful it was.

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Baczynsky? Sounds like a disease my cousin caught in Korea. It definitely doesn’t sound like someone who knows how to make a weenie. Now, there are 5 distinct issues with the hot dog pictured above. I shall enumerate.

1. The bun, in general. A bun should be one piece of bread, held together. Here, the bun is split clearly up the middle just like Ukraine’s choice of languages. Maybe Russia wants the other half. It also is hard, like a weird piece of ciabatta. Tell me about the last time you wanted a hard weird piece of ciabatta. I didn’t think so.

2. Carrot salad. Am I a rabbit? Am I little bunny foo foo hopping through the forest? No, but I certainly am scooping up the makers of this wiener and boppin’ ’em on the head.

3. Lack of diversity. There is only one topping, it is carrot salad, and there aren’t any other options. In America, we have all sorts of toppings, flavors, ethnic groups, and languages. Ukraine has one: carrot salad, Ukrainian, white people. All the same. Vanilla.

4. The shape of the sausage. No further detail required.

5. The hot dog was not made in America. The hot dog was invented in America, ladies and gentleman. No other country can claim this. Yes, sausages are inherently German, and the Danish have done a great job at making their own style of weenie, but there was a cart in Coney Island that started the whole thing. It’s true, I wrote on homage back in 2015: NHDD 2015 Homage . Don’t try and sneak one past me, Ukraine.

0.01776 weenies. “Murica.

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Joey Chestnut will eat 68 hot dogs today and claim the title of National Hot Dog eating champion for the 10th time in 11 years. Now, go out there, have a wonderful day, and do American things. Crack a craft beer, brewed in the states, grill a weenie, lay back and enjoy yourself. It’s Independence day, so be independent. Freedom isn’t free. America the beautiful, four score and seven years ago, I had a dream, speak softly and carry a big stick, they may take our lives, but they’ll never take our Independence Day! Happy 4th, y’all.

Cheers

P.S. [Disclaimer: The Ukrainian dog was actually pretty decent. If I were being more serious, I’d probably give it a 3-point-something. But, I’m wearing red white and blue right now and feeling very patriotic, so I ask that you kind of just let me have it. Satire, right? Thanks.]

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Special Edition: Destination Dogs, Philly

That’s me and Jimmy Cronk, creator and co-owner of Destination Dogs in downtown Philadelphia. That’s two people who share a passion for hot dogs. The person on the left just eats them and tries to avoid becoming obese. The person on the right creates them. The weenie God – he is an enabler in the best of ways, coming up with 33 (for me, 34) location-themed high quality weenies for all to enjoy. I was lucky enough to spend a Saturday afternoon in this fine establishment in a the fine city of Philly, and ended up having 6 of Jimmy’s fine franks. Cue the obesity.

From left to right: “One Bite in Bangkok”, “The Chicago Bull”, “Trenton Thunder”, and “Chivas Royale”. These weenies are themed after Thailand, Chicago, Trenton, NJ, and Mexico. There is nowhere else in America where you can do this. It’s absolutely wild. This old boy was as happy as could be. Imagine your favorite thing in the world. Now imagine it in 34 different varieties, all while serving craft beer. I think that’s what John Lennon was singing about.

One bite in Bangkok is made of a snake. To be very clear, it is not a hot dog, it is a python sausage. I literally ate a python adorned with cucumber salad, pepper jelly, crushed peanuts, and cilantro. It was dope. The Chicago Bull is a classic Chicago dog, kind of like Emmett’s. Can’t go wrong, a true classic. Chivas Royale is deep fried, loaded with cheese sauce, bacon, salsa verde, sour cream, and scallions. I felt my cholesterol thicken as I consumed it, and I loved it. Then the most unique, even though I just ate python, was the Trenton Thunder. This Thor-esque colossus of a wiener was also deep fried, loaded with pork roll (aka Taylor ham), scrambled egg, cheese sauce, and a very interesting tomato and pepper jelly. So far, Trenton, somehow, while being a relatively undesirable city, produced an insanely desirable hot dog. Get this one.

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Heeeeerrreee’s Jimmy! While he didn’t have an axe and break through a door, once he found out that I wrote a hot dog blog, Jimmy did what any hot dog lover would do for another – he hooked it up. We got to try a custom Philly creation that he plans to bust out during Iggles season. I don’t want to leak his secret recipe, but it’s basically a Philly cheese steak-weenie hybrid, and it works. Upon first glance, it was like a kindergarten art room: dysfunctional and filled with things that don’t get along. Then, once we got to know the inner-workings, we realized how great it could be. I was honored to get to try it, a true A+. We also got to try some amazing chili sauce and a “Kansas City Beefs”, adorned with pulled BBQ ribs and slaw. This was the simplest dog, but maybe the best. If only my stomach allowed, I would have had 3 more. I still can’t decide if Trenton Thunder or Kansas City Beefs was the best, so I’ll recommend that you get both when you go.

In summary, this place is the real deal, and I’m a huge fan. The quality of the weenies is incredible; we have the snap, the juice, the smoky flavor, and the size to bun ratio. The buns are hearty, but not too thick, and nicely toasted. Once you add in all the exotic toppings, you have yourself a real all-inclusive hot dog resort of an experience. My hat goes off to Jimmy for this vision, as well as his hospitality. The good news is, he’s not just in Philly, but New Brunswick, NJ as well. You better believe I’ll be there soon.

Cheers

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P.S. My friend Dan ordered the hot dog above. What are you, 12, Dan?

Planet Earth: Hot Dogs of Asia

A few weeks ago I traveled to Asia. Luckily, Asia isn’t the void, hot dog barren continent I thought it would be. Instead, it is a fairly westernized, hot dog imitating continent that falls far short of being worthy of the title “hot dog continent”. There can only one hot dog continent and that is America. There can only be one ‘Murica. Regardless, in total I had three hot dogs, and one was particularly epic. It was part of a 25 course tasting menu at the #1 rated restaurant in Asia… three years in a row. Let’s not save the best for last, because I don’t save and I don’t like being last.

Gaggan: Bangkok, Thailand

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What we have here are little lamb kebab dogs on little buns with little onions, little carrots, and a little sauce. The menu we see during our 3 hour long experience of utmost gluttony is only emojis. There is one emoji per course, and this one was obviously the hot dog. We had to guess what the emojis were going to be – sometimes even after the course came out and we couldn’t tell what it was. To be honest, I don’t know what the sauces were because I was so happy and immersed in the experience. I had just enjoyed an old-fashioned that was infused with Cohiba cigar smoke underneath a glass dome in front of me. It was one of the greatest experiences of my life. Incredible. No words. “…”

Stand Underneath the Ferris Wheel: Hong Kong

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Touristy areas have hot dogs, it’s a way of life. So did the Ferris Wheel in Hong Kong. My options were Original, Spicy, BBQ, or Cheese. I went with original, and I love how that meant, ketchup, YELLOW mustard, and relish. This was true American influence. The bun was OK, the sauces were applied with gusto, but unfortunately the sausage itself tasted like dirty brown water trash. For what it’s worth, the Ferris Wheel was pretty awesome?

Random Convenience Store Bacon-Wrapped Wiener: Phuket, Thailand

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Given this title, I’m sure you were expecting greatness. So was I. It was really disheartening to see how under-cooked the bacon was and how flavorless the hot dog was. Such a fine establishment should have done better. Welp, someone had to do it. I wouldn’t recommend this to anyone… ever.

P.S. Below is a picture of the Asia boys, AKA “JUBS” getting to meet the man behind the magic at Gaggan – Gaggan Anand himself. Check him out on Netflix’s Chef’s Table if you’re interested. Also, go to Thailand if you can.

Cheers

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Crif Dogs

Congratulations, you made it through a passing of arbitrary time into a new year. Good for you. The only good thing about the new year is that it gives people an excuse to do new things. For me, it was an excuse to do something legendary. What is legendary, you ask? Oh, I don’t know, how about… visiting perhaps the most recommended and definitely most creative hot dog place in NYC… that I have been holding back on reviewing for ONE AND A HALF YEARS. Yes, I’ve been writing about weenies for one and a half years and have not yet seen a psychiatrist. That’s also legendary! Now, to mix in even more legendary, I visited this place with a guy from ENGLAND who STARTED HIS OWN HOT DOG CART and is SAVING THE WORLD, ONE HOT DOG AT A TIME by giving his profits to a charity that fights children’s hunger. That is literally the most legendary thing I have ever even been close to. Sorry for the caps, I’m very excited. 2017 is looking to be… absolutely legendary. Absolutely 2017. Pete, from Feed Hot Dog Co, and I went to Williamsburg and ate at CRIF DOGS. 2017!!! (Disclaimer: I ate these hot dogs in 2016, but was a little slothful when it came to writing this blog. Shhhh.)

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Oh mama. For those who don’t know, Crif is famous for their handmade, naturally smoked beef and pork dogs that are covered in a myriad of unique and interesting topping combinations. Pete and I, being the hot dog lovers we are, ordered 2 each. (Pete also ordered some cheesy tots because he’s an animal, and Kate ordered a boring kraut wiener. Hey, you’ve got to admit it’s cool that we found a girl that will eat any weenies with us at all.) Then, after realizing that there were so many amazing wieners on the table, we decided to cut them in half and “get involved”, as Pete says. Oh my Jiminy Cricket, did we get involved. Here’s the lineup:

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The Chili Dog: I love chili dogs. NY Weenians know this. This dog is simple: chili, onions, and mustard. It’s excellent. Eat it.

The Tsumani: It’s a B-b-b-ba-ba-BACON wrapped weenie. (Pardon my stutter.) On top of the wrap are teriyaki sauce, pineapples, and green onions. Its sweet n’ savory, and makes me want to crank Jimmy Buffet and wear Tommy Bahama. Basically my life goal at age 52.

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The Jon-Jon Deragon: cream cheese, scallions, and the same toppings you’d find on an everything bagel all on top of a bacon wrapped dog. Lord have mercy. I’ll admit, this dog is the reason why I love Crif Dogs. It’s an incredible invention. I’d equate the experience of eating this dog to the time I ate macaroni and cheese for the first time. Revolutionary and life-changing. I’ve got the bluuueees. (If you don’t get that reference, shame on you, go Youtube old Kraft ads after reading this.)

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The Chihuahua: another bacon wrapped dog, this time topped with avocados and sour cream. This one surprised me the most. Sour cream on a hot dog is out of this world delicious. Much like the Jon-Jon, it is a revolutionary discovery and anyone and everyone should try it ASAP. Tell your boss you have a doctor’s appointment and go get this dog now. The snappy crunch of the bacon, plus the smooth, salubrious love of the avocado… finished with none other than a dollop of Daisy!?!? Take me to church!

Overall notes and final review: Crif Dogs is a miraculous wonderful place. I absolutely love it and encourage everyone to go. I love it so much that I held back on reviewing it because I thought that it would be king. Alas, my friends, it is not king. The Cannibal is still king. I realized that while the topping selection is excellent and the handmade dogs are super tasty, Crif lacks three very important things that I hold near and dear to my heart: the snap, yellow mustard, and a toasted bun. It would simply be unfitting if I gave the title of king to a place without these essentials. I love you Crif Dogs… I don’t need any Purple Rain, because you’ll forever be my Prince.

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Lastly, thank you Pete for coming to join me. You are an inspiration in that you can do great things for the world, yet simultaneously have a blast and do what you love. I wish the best for Feed Hot Dog Co’s future – readers please check them out on Instagram @feedhotdogco and at their website and Facebook: Feed Site Feed FBook. I hope I can make it out to England one day and enjoy another weenie with my newly acquired hot dog fam. It’s 2017, y’all.

Cheers

@nyweenies     NY Weenies Facebook

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Pittsburgh: Essie’s Original Hot Dog Shop

Pittsburgh is known for many things. Pittsburgh is a sports town, an old steel town, a Wiz Khalifa stomping ground, and a black and yellow breeding ground. It’s a bridge town, an incline town, where Gene Kelly used to clown, and a fatty food mecca world renowned… Poetry and rhyming aside, some friendly local folks wanted to take me out for a dog, and of course I was down. I was lucky enough to go to “The Dirty O”, or more officially, The Original Hot Dog Shop, on a cold day after Thanksgiving when, like the Grinch, my stomach grew three sizes that day. I certainly couldn’t frown.

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Yep, this place is old school. The name does not lie. The first thing I noticed is that the actual restaurant is pretty run-down and old. Nothing has changed since the 80’s, but it’s a good thing. They sell weird old beers that nobody has seen in a few fortnights, and the guy selling you those beers hasn’t been able to see in a few decades. It’s like when you put on that really old, stained, torn up sweatshirt you love. You love that it’s nasty. It’s comfortable and it feels amazing. The dogs, though, are not old, stained, and torn up. They are flat out stellar.

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These weenies are such good sports. I made fun of them for hours, and they just played along. It’s amazing how thick their skin is. OHHH, Pun City! Honestly though, this is some thick skin. If you know NY Weenies, you know what skin brings: the snap. The Dirty O’s dogs possess a fat snap unlike any that New York has never seen. My favorite kind of snap resembles the moment when you pop a loosely filled water balloon. It’s a quick release followed by an avalanche of flavor. The kind of snap I experienced on this day in Pittsburgh was like puncturing a football with a butter knife. It took a lot of effort, but it was still a lot of fun, and the flavor exploded out of there like cuckoo from a cuckoo clock. The taste of the weenie was incredible, rich and smoky, and the buns lightly toasted nicely. The best part about the Original, though, is the selection of toppings they have. I didn’t see anything you couldn’t order. So, I ordered dog 1: chili, mustard, and slaw. This is the quintessential Virginia classic. I was raised on this combo. Dog 2: yellow mustard, obviously. The other dog pictured was not for me (a loyal NY Weenian would know this, as it has been said that you can’t put ketchup on a dog unless you’re under 12 years old), but the pictures looks better with 3 dogs. Maybe I should eat 3 every review?

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I loved this place and I highly recommend it to anyone travelling to Pittsburgh. Essie must have been a great woman if the owner, Syd, decided to name this wonderful place after her. Here’s to you, Essie.

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P.S. If you’re reading this and you are Syd and Essie’s child, please let me know. I’d like to meet you. You must be an incredible human being if you have any of the same DNA that those two had. The chosen one. Neo. Anakin. The baby from “Look Who’s Talkin'”. Whatever. Need you in my life.

Cheers

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Hot Dogs of the Hamptons

One week ago today, summer came to a close. I know it seems late, but the calendar doesn’t lie, except in February, and summer doesn’t contain February as a month in its season, so I know it’s being honest. Anyway, this summer was another memorable one for me, much of it spent in an odd fantasy land out on Long Island. Because of this fantasy world I was living in, I got distracted, and I failed you as a hot dog blogger. I was selfish. I let the fun get to my head. There’s no time for fun when there’s work to be done. I let the little devil on my shoulder tell me what to do, when the angel was consistently telling me to review more hot dogs. So, I apologize, and starting now, there will be many more weenie blogs, as there are many more weenies to eat. It is my destiny that I must return to. What the world needs is more hot dog truth. As written in John 8.32, “Then you will know the truth, and the truth shall let you eat.”

Hamptons Weenie 1: Old Stone Market

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It’s a brioche bun, well-toasted, cuddling with a grilled Sabrett frank that took a bath in spicy brown mustard. It was prepared by the nicest woman you’ll ever meet, at the weirdest, most useful roadside store in Amagansett that you’ll ever see. There are even chickens roaming the parking lot. Back to the dog – its pretty solid, good snap, but too bready. Other things that are bready: croutons, Meatloaf (the singer), and French people. That’s not a good crew to associate with.

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Hamptons Weenie 2: The Oceanside Inn

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Above is pictured an impromptu weenie that was far more satisfying than expected. If you ever need a weenie after a long day at the Sloppy Tuna, bounce on down the beach to this weird little Euro-tourist spot and enjoy this filleted frank. Huge weenie, tiny bun. Other things with huge weenies and tiny buns: … use your own imagination.

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Hamptons Weenie 3: Goldberg’s

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Here we have a two weenie combo platter served up by your breakfast specialists at Goldberg’s. This is a meal fit for a king – Leo DiCaprio himself was spotted in line at Goldberg’s just finna have a bagel one day. This meal was fit for me, indeed. The buns were warm and toasted, but not too much, and the sausages were thick, juicy, and smoky. These were also filleted, which must be a long island thing, which also tampers with one of my favorite parts of eating a hot dog: the snap. Redeeming the lack of snap was the presence of yellow mustard. That precious nectar can save anything. So, Goldberg’s, you were good, but not great. However, “good but not great” does in fact give you the title of “Best Weenie in the Hamptons.” Congratulations, Goldberg’s, see you next summer.

3.5 weenies

Cheers

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Copenhagen Street Dog Winter Championship

Well boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen, this is the first time I write a review as a VIP. This is the first time that I am a member of the press. That’s right, I was allowed access to the second annual Copenhagen Street Dog Winter Hot Dog Championship. What’s included? 3 gourmet hot dogs which are to be voted on by attendees and a winner chosen. Then, unlimited Copenhagen Street Dogs after that. Denmark is bringing a monsoon of wieners to the US and I’m pumped about it. That monsoon will bring rains and high seas and on those high seas will sail a giant wooden shoe full of wieners and beer. God bless Denmark. God bless America.

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First up: She’s Gone Nuts. This is definitely not the most flattering title for the weenie, but I get it, it’s a pun because it has peanuts on it. Here we have pickled red cabbage, crushed peanuts, honey-sriracha mayo and cilantro. This is the simplest of the three gourmet dogs, which is quite titillating because it’s not simple at all! The first bite instantly gave me the experience I was going to be having all day. These sausages are amazing. The Copenhagen Street Dogs have an incredible snap, something I’ve written about before, and a robust flavor profile that I haven’t tasted in American hot dogs. They are top notch. The next experience I get is the bun which is my least favorite part of all three of these wieners. There is simply too much bread, and the bun isn’t very warm. It’s a little baguette-y, and I certainly didn’t come here to have French hot dogs. The Danes are way sweeter than the French and that’s just a fact. The toppings provide a spicy-sweet mix that is quite delectable. My least favorite part of this dog is the peanuts. I love peanuts in general, but I don’t think they have much of a purpose here. They sort of draw attention away from the dog, like Cindy Crawford’s mole. Get rid of it.

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Dog number two: The Dominican Dane. This one is so rare that I didn’t know what two of the ingredients were until I looked them up. Longaniza, fried green plantain flakes, Danish Agurkesalat, and spicy mayo. Agurke-say-what?!! It turns out it is just cucumber salad. And Longaniza, that’s just another kind of sausage, like chorizo. This is a double sausage dog. Epic. This guy has the most spice of the three, and I really like the fried plantains to add just a touch of sweet. The way the spicy mayo and the Longaniza mixed to create this tongue tingling ooze of fatty excellence really made this dog stand out. I’m a massive fan. 10 points for Gryffindor!

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Lastly: The World Fusion Dog. This is definitely the most unique of them all. On this sausage we have a pineapple relish, wasabi mayo, pancetta, and bonito flakes. What is a bonito flake you ask? Oh, not much, just dried, fermented, and smoked tuna. What?! I literally just learned this because I had to look it up. If I knew what this was when eating it I’m sure I would have disliked it much more. I think I’d rather put Fancy Feast for cats on a hot dog than this crap. At least that’s fancy. Oh well, this dog wasn’t bad, but it was my least favorite. They tried too hard here. I liked the wasabi mayo, but it didn’t jive with the pineapple. Pancetta is fun, but it didn’t jive with gross tuna flake-age. It’s like tuna dandruff. Good lord. But, at the end of the day it was still a decent dog overall.

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Above sits the traditional røde pølser. These were great, and we could eat as many as we wanted. The traditional toppings are cucumber, ketchup, mustard, and what appeared to be potato flakes. Excellent. The part that made this stand out from the others is the bun. It was much thinner and toasted with more gusto. Sure, the toppings weren’t as exciting, but the quality was top notch. Check out copenhagenstreetdog.com for more.

So, among the 3 gourmet dogs, who won?

Competition Winner: She’s Gone Nuts

My Winner: The Dominican Dane

Overall weenie review: 4 weenies

Yeah, I disagreed with everyone that voted. You know who else disagreed with the general public, but were right all along?  Galileo. He said the world was round, and the Catholics said it was flat. Rosa Parks. White people told her to sit in the back, and she sat in the front. JFK. Teddy Roosevelt. Miley Cyrus. The Weeknd. Trump. You heard it here first: the Danes are making weenies great again.

Cheers

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Cartagena, Colombia Street Dog

Believe it or not, I went to Colombia for a vacation with some buddies of mine. The land was beautiful, the architecture vibrant, and the culture friendly and welcoming. Believe it or not, I came back alive and with no effects of Zika. However, only 1 in every 5 people who have Zika show symptoms, and there’s some sort of incubation period, and I was without question bitten by a mosquito… but let’s forget about that. Believe it or not, and this is by far the biggest “believe it or not,” I found a hot dog to review in a foreign land where I spoke almost zero English. Believe.

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I know you can’t see it, but trust me, there is a sausage under there. Although it would be a pretty awesome conspiracy to fake a weenie review in South America, I didn’t have to. I’m looking at you, United States government. Nice “moon landing.” Anyway, I was able to find this weenie on the third night of a four night adventure. When we first arrived in the city of Cartagena, I saw some franks in the super market, even foot-longs which was super exciting. However, I never saw any at restaurants or stands, so I thought I was going to have to grill one myself. “Un perro caliente para mi.” Epic.

But alas, along the corner of the wall near the majestic clock tower at the entrance to the historic walled city, and young man was grilling weenies. After I basically just told him “si, si, si… uhhh, si?” he handed over a weenie unlike any I’d ever had. That is the perfect way to experience a foreign country.

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Look at that bad boy. The amount of bread surrounding the frank basically blocked my ability to taste it. But, it did have some delicious sauces on it. I watched the man put a pink sauce, a red sauces, and a yellow sauce down, then top it off with fried potato bits. My guess is the pink sauce was a mayonnaise-ketchup hybrid. The red sauce had some spice to it, and based on the sauce I received with my empanadas earlier, it was a tomato based hot sauce. Then, the yellow sauce was sadly not mustard. It was tangy and bright, which was odd, and I don’t even know what it added to the sandwich. What a waste of a yellow sauce. I don’t understand how any human could pass up on French’s yellow mustard here. Mind boggling. There’s a huge port in Cartagena, I guarantee they could import it. The potatoes on top were the best part. Crispy, crunchy goodness was gracefully sprinkled like fairy dust on top of this weenie. Si, muy bien.

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The guy above was only trying to take my money, but it made for a good photo. At the end of the day, the Colombia dog was OK. There was too much bread, but the unique sauces were pretty tasty and the potato topping delectable. The actual sausage had no snap or much flavor that I could tell. It probably could have been tofu and I wouldn’t have known. Don’t even get me started on tofu… it won’t be pretty.

2.5 weenies

Sure, it wasn’t the greatest dog, but it was a great experience. Colombia is a wonderful place to travel. Everything is cheap and there are basically no rules. In fact, the hot dog I had cost 4,000 pesos ($1.19), but my buddy Mike’s cost 10,000 pesos ($2.97) and they were identical. Nothing makes sense, but that’s why it is fun. Now there’s a motto to live by.

Cheers

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The Bearded Lady: Christmas Eve

It’s Christmas Eve. Rather than get in the Christmas spirit by listening to Christmas music, baking cookies, and stuffing socks full of useless trinkets, I am choosing to write about a hot dog. The story of this hot dog, in my opinion, truly embodies the spirit of Christmas. It all began on a Saturday morning. I had purchased a Santa suit in preparation to run a 4 mile race called the jingle bell jog, where my plan was to don the suit and attempt to make it across the finish line with my coworkers. Given that I write about a hot dog once a week, y’all know I can’t be in great shape. Well, Saturday morning race day comes along, and I wake up to multiple missed calls and texts. It is 10 minutes to race time and there is no way I make it to Brooklyn on time. Epic fail. Rather than stay in and sulk, however, I make it out to Brooklyn to participate in the post race bar crawl. Part of that bar crawl took place at a bar called the Bearded Lady, which, by some sort of Christmas miracle, served hot dogs. Santa is real, and he presented me with this gift even though I was a bad boy. No coal this time, just a weenie for me. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, indeed.

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Behold the Chicago dog. As I’ve mentioned before, Chicago dogs are great, but usually mood weenies. What is a mood weenie? Every once in a while, you get in a strange mood and crave chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, right? Imagine that chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream is a Chicago dog. It’s not your go-to, but when you’re in a weird mood, it’s money. Luckily, given the events of the morning prior, I was in a weird mood, and a Chicago dog called my name. Chicago dogs are essentially gardens on top of sausages. You have your tomatoes, pickles, onions, peppers, and most importantly mustard. My favorite part about the Chicago dog is the way the yellow mustard (always yellow, obviously) interacts with the pickle to form this graceful, harmonious marriage that is most definitely legal everywhere in the US except for Alabama.

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Now, remember, we are in Brooklyn, so this is not a traditional Chicago dog. We have here a very thin toasted bun which allows for emphasis on the toppings. The toppings are diced up and covered in black pepper, which is very rare for a Chicago dog. In fact, I’ve never seen this before. It is almost as if there is some form of pico de gallo adorning the sausage. I have to say it works very well. Then, the weenie itself. Let me give a shout out again to the Brooklyn Hot Dog Co,  serving up another delicious sausage. They are long, tasty, and of incredible quality. I still long for a little more snap, but definitely some of the best sausages around. This is a very bold weenie, at a very bold place, with very bold cocktails. I highly recommend both the bar and the hot dog they serve. If you’re ever near Prospect Park, this is a great rest stop to shoot some pool and enjoy a cocktail and a dog.

3.5 weenies

Now, in honor of Christmas, a poem. This is a mashup of some of your favorite Christmas hits, entitled “Hot Dogs for Thee”.

On Dasher, on Dancer, on Schnippers, Papaya

On Comet and Cupid, The Cannibal and Rudy’s

A hot dog comes for thee, oh yum yum yum yum

A king weenie we seek, oh yum yum yum yum

Deck the halls with loads of weenies

Fatty fatty fat, we get so fat

A hot dog comes for thee, oh yum yum yum yum

A king weenie we seek, oh yum yum yum yum”

From the middle of my heart (the bottom makes no sense), thanks for all of the support in 2015. See you in 2016, as there are still many weenies to try! God bless you all and have a wonderful holiday! 

Cheers

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