Well boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen, this is the first time I write a review as a VIP. This is the first time that I am a member of the press. That’s right, I was allowed access to the second annual Copenhagen Street Dog Winter Hot Dog Championship. What’s included? 3 gourmet hot dogs which are to be voted on by attendees and a winner chosen. Then, unlimited Copenhagen Street Dogs after that. Denmark is bringing a monsoon of wieners to the US and I’m pumped about it. That monsoon will bring rains and high seas and on those high seas will sail a giant wooden shoe full of wieners and beer. God bless Denmark. God bless America.
First up: She’s Gone Nuts. This is definitely not the most flattering title for the weenie, but I get it, it’s a pun because it has peanuts on it. Here we have pickled red cabbage, crushed peanuts, honey-sriracha mayo and cilantro. This is the simplest of the three gourmet dogs, which is quite titillating because it’s not simple at all! The first bite instantly gave me the experience I was going to be having all day. These sausages are amazing. The Copenhagen Street Dogs have an incredible snap, something I’ve written about before, and a robust flavor profile that I haven’t tasted in American hot dogs. They are top notch. The next experience I get is the bun which is my least favorite part of all three of these wieners. There is simply too much bread, and the bun isn’t very warm. It’s a little baguette-y, and I certainly didn’t come here to have French hot dogs. The Danes are way sweeter than the French and that’s just a fact. The toppings provide a spicy-sweet mix that is quite delectable. My least favorite part of this dog is the peanuts. I love peanuts in general, but I don’t think they have much of a purpose here. They sort of draw attention away from the dog, like Cindy Crawford’s mole. Get rid of it.
Dog number two: The Dominican Dane. This one is so rare that I didn’t know what two of the ingredients were until I looked them up. Longaniza, fried green plantain flakes, Danish Agurkesalat, and spicy mayo. Agurke-say-what?!! It turns out it is just cucumber salad. And Longaniza, that’s just another kind of sausage, like chorizo. This is a double sausage dog. Epic. This guy has the most spice of the three, and I really like the fried plantains to add just a touch of sweet. The way the spicy mayo and the Longaniza mixed to create this tongue tingling ooze of fatty excellence really made this dog stand out. I’m a massive fan. 10 points for Gryffindor!
Lastly: The World Fusion Dog. This is definitely the most unique of them all. On this sausage we have a pineapple relish, wasabi mayo, pancetta, and bonito flakes. What is a bonito flake you ask? Oh, not much, just dried, fermented, and smoked tuna. What?! I literally just learned this because I had to look it up. If I knew what this was when eating it I’m sure I would have disliked it much more. I think I’d rather put Fancy Feast for cats on a hot dog than this crap. At least that’s fancy. Oh well, this dog wasn’t bad, but it was my least favorite. They tried too hard here. I liked the wasabi mayo, but it didn’t jive with the pineapple. Pancetta is fun, but it didn’t jive with gross tuna flake-age. It’s like tuna dandruff. Good lord. But, at the end of the day it was still a decent dog overall.
Above sits the traditional røde pølser. These were great, and we could eat as many as we wanted. The traditional toppings are cucumber, ketchup, mustard, and what appeared to be potato flakes. Excellent. The part that made this stand out from the others is the bun. It was much thinner and toasted with more gusto. Sure, the toppings weren’t as exciting, but the quality was top notch. Check out copenhagenstreetdog.com for more.
So, among the 3 gourmet dogs, who won?
Competition Winner: She’s Gone Nuts
My Winner: The Dominican Dane
Overall weenie review: 4 weenies
Yeah, I disagreed with everyone that voted. You know who else disagreed with the general public, but were right all along? Galileo. He said the world was round, and the Catholics said it was flat. Rosa Parks. White people told her to sit in the back, and she sat in the front. JFK. Teddy Roosevelt. Miley Cyrus. The Weeknd. Trump. You heard it here first: the Danes are making weenies great again.