Special Edition: Destination Dogs, Philly

That’s me and Jimmy Cronk, creator and co-owner of Destination Dogs in downtown Philadelphia. That’s two people who share a passion for hot dogs. The person on the left just eats them and tries to avoid becoming obese. The person on the right creates them. The weenie God – he is an enabler in the best of ways, coming up with 33 (for me, 34) location-themed high quality weenies for all to enjoy. I was lucky enough to spend a Saturday afternoon in this fine establishment in a the fine city of Philly, and ended up having 6 of Jimmy’s fine franks. Cue the obesity.

From left to right: “One Bite in Bangkok”, “The Chicago Bull”, “Trenton Thunder”, and “Chivas Royale”. These weenies are themed after Thailand, Chicago, Trenton, NJ, and Mexico. There is nowhere else in America where you can do this. It’s absolutely wild. This old boy was as happy as could be. Imagine your favorite thing in the world. Now imagine it in 34 different varieties, all while serving craft beer. I think that’s what John Lennon was singing about.

One bite in Bangkok is made of a snake. To be very clear, it is not a hot dog, it is a python sausage. I literally ate a python adorned with cucumber salad, pepper jelly, crushed peanuts, and cilantro. It was dope. The Chicago Bull is a classic Chicago dog, kind of like Emmett’s. Can’t go wrong, a true classic. Chivas Royale is deep fried, loaded with cheese sauce, bacon, salsa verde, sour cream, and scallions. I felt my cholesterol thicken as I consumed it, and I loved it. Then the most unique, even though I just ate python, was the Trenton Thunder. This Thor-esque colossus of a wiener was also deep fried, loaded with pork roll (aka Taylor ham), scrambled egg, cheese sauce, and a very interesting tomato and pepper jelly. So far, Trenton, somehow, while being a relatively undesirable city, produced an insanely desirable hot dog. Get this one.

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Heeeeerrreee’s Jimmy! While he didn’t have an axe and break through a door, once he found out that I wrote a hot dog blog, Jimmy did what any hot dog lover would do for another – he hooked it up. We got to try a custom Philly creation that he plans to bust out during Iggles season. I don’t want to leak his secret recipe, but it’s basically a Philly cheese steak-weenie hybrid, and it works. Upon first glance, it was like a kindergarten art room: dysfunctional and filled with things that don’t get along. Then, once we got to know the inner-workings, we realized how great it could be. I was honored to get to try it, a true A+. We also got to try some amazing chili sauce and a “Kansas City Beefs”, adorned with pulled BBQ ribs and slaw. This was the simplest dog, but maybe the best. If only my stomach allowed, I would have had 3 more. I still can’t decide if Trenton Thunder or Kansas City Beefs was the best, so I’ll recommend that you get both when you go.

In summary, this place is the real deal, and I’m a huge fan. The quality of the weenies is incredible; we have the snap, the juice, the smoky flavor, and the size to bun ratio. The buns are hearty, but not too thick, and nicely toasted. Once you add in all the exotic toppings, you have yourself a real all-inclusive hot dog resort of an experience. My hat goes off to Jimmy for this vision, as well as his hospitality. The good news is, he’s not just in Philly, but New Brunswick, NJ as well. You better believe I’ll be there soon.

Cheers

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P.S. My friend Dan ordered the hot dog above. What are you, 12, Dan?

Corner of Vermont

I always thought that Vermont was a place for hippies and mountain folk, like a northern version of “Deliverance.” Then, I went there for the first time and found it to be quite beautiful and filled with decent people, like a northern version of “The Notebook.” Then, I went to the restaurant called the Corner of Vermont and found it to be truly inventive, unique, and mind-boggingly delicious, kind of like a northern version of “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.” I felt like Augustus Gloop in this place, eating maple weenies like it was my day job. If I wasn’t careful, I’d drown in the maple mustard just like he did in chocolate. I had to travel all the way to Park Slope Brooklyn for these wonderful Vermont weenies, and I didn’t even have a golden ticket. What a great decision.

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Notice how the sun kisses the wiener’s toppings as if it were Apollo’s own lips. There’s a reason for this: these sausages are unlike anything you’ve ever tasted.

On the left, we have a classic chili cheese dog done right. The chili is made in house, is outstanding, and has the perfect amount of spice. The cheese? Oh, the cheese, is 1 year old Grafton cheddar. Al Gore may! (Get it? Gourmet?)

On the right, we have “The Vermonter”, which was my favorite, mainly due to the surprise I had when I realized how good it was, and the creativity that went into it. Adorning the weenie are maple mustard, maple caramelized onions, and a sprinkle of maple sugar. True to the name, and phenomenal.

Now, the sausages. They are composed of pork, beef, and… BACON. That’s right, there is ground up bacon in the sausage. On top of that, they are huge and meaty, and have that oh so necessary snap. The grey color is at first a little off-putting, but you get over it really quick. You’ll think the exact same thing when you see the shirt I am wearing in the picture below.

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Yes indeed! I couldn’t be happier to find this place. It was a perfect start to the day, and a great discovery that I will be returning to. The owner and staff were incredibly friendly, and they do everything all natural – no nitrates, straight from the farm in Vermont. This is a real Vermont establishment, putting out genuinely awesome food and beverage. We even got to try their homemade lemonade and tea. Without too many more words, I hereby declare this hot dog the King of Brooklyn. That’s right, this is the best hot dog I have eaten in Brooklyn. The Cannibal is still #1 in NYC, but this is for sure top 5, and #1 in the biggest borough of NYC. Well done, Corner of Vermont.

4.4802 weenies

Do the numbers matter anymore? (802 is Vermont’s only area code. Tribute. Here’s another to make your mouth water.)

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Cheers

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Planet Earth: Hot Dogs of Asia

A few weeks ago I traveled to Asia. Luckily, Asia isn’t the void, hot dog barren continent I thought it would be. Instead, it is a fairly westernized, hot dog imitating continent that falls far short of being worthy of the title “hot dog continent”. There can only one hot dog continent and that is America. There can only be one ‘Murica. Regardless, in total I had three hot dogs, and one was particularly epic. It was part of a 25 course tasting menu at the #1 rated restaurant in Asia… three years in a row. Let’s not save the best for last, because I don’t save and I don’t like being last.

Gaggan: Bangkok, Thailand

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What we have here are little lamb kebab dogs on little buns with little onions, little carrots, and a little sauce. The menu we see during our 3 hour long experience of utmost gluttony is only emojis. There is one emoji per course, and this one was obviously the hot dog. We had to guess what the emojis were going to be – sometimes even after the course came out and we couldn’t tell what it was. To be honest, I don’t know what the sauces were because I was so happy and immersed in the experience. I had just enjoyed an old-fashioned that was infused with Cohiba cigar smoke underneath a glass dome in front of me. It was one of the greatest experiences of my life. Incredible. No words. “…”

Stand Underneath the Ferris Wheel: Hong Kong

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Touristy areas have hot dogs, it’s a way of life. So did the Ferris Wheel in Hong Kong. My options were Original, Spicy, BBQ, or Cheese. I went with original, and I love how that meant, ketchup, YELLOW mustard, and relish. This was true American influence. The bun was OK, the sauces were applied with gusto, but unfortunately the sausage itself tasted like dirty brown water trash. For what it’s worth, the Ferris Wheel was pretty awesome?

Random Convenience Store Bacon-Wrapped Wiener: Phuket, Thailand

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Given this title, I’m sure you were expecting greatness. So was I. It was really disheartening to see how under-cooked the bacon was and how flavorless the hot dog was. Such a fine establishment should have done better. Welp, someone had to do it. I wouldn’t recommend this to anyone… ever.

P.S. Below is a picture of the Asia boys, AKA “JUBS” getting to meet the man behind the magic at Gaggan – Gaggan Anand himself. Check him out on Netflix’s Chef’s Table if you’re interested. Also, go to Thailand if you can.

Cheers

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Tørst

Danish people love hot dogs. Apparently they also love beer, serving beer in wine glasses, having no decorations in their bars, and a new vowel that looks like an o with a slash through it. Apparently, that vowel is pronounced like the “i” in bird or the “eu” in the infamous French expression “sacré bleu!” Well, when I eat a good hot dog, it is pronounced with a “snap.” And, that is exactly what I found at this bar in Greenpoint with one of the craftiest craft beer selections y’all ever did see. Apparently, they know how to get to my heart.

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That shiny submarine of hope pictured above is the Tørst hot dog #4. Four is my favorite number. This is destiny. At first glance, it looks immaculate, but I must admit that I am skeptical. It’s very easy to be too fancy when it comes to wieners. In my opinion, forgetting the classic and moving too far away from what made the frankfurter famous can be a recipe for disaster. As my Dad used to say in youth sports, “don’t try to make the highlight reel.” So, as I see curry ketchup, raita, candied nuts, and thinly sliced pickly things on top of this guy I got worried. Raita?! Barely know her. Emily Raita-kowski? I have no idea what raita is, but as it turns out, it is an Indian cucumber sauce that usually serves to counteract spicy foods. I suppose this is logical due to the curry ketchup.

The first bite yields the best part of this hot dog, and one of the greatest feelings of all time. The snap. Oh, it is glorious. This is the best snap of any weenie I have had in New York. This is better than the snap from Snap, Crackle, and Pop… better than the snap from snap into a Slim Jim… and even better than SNAP, or the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program, the government organization responsible for food stamps. After the snap comes some intense heat from the curry ketchup. When this hits, you’ll need some water. Luckily, the raika and the pickle balance it out. The nuts, in my opinion, don’t add anything, but I’ll never complain about peanuts. Lastly, the bun is big and bold, almost brioche, but not quite. I need to think about the bun a little more.

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OK, it’s too big. The bun is too big. I need less bread. Seriously, just put a toasted Martin’s potato roll on this thing and you’ve got the best dog in the city I think. But, holy cow, Tørst, you’ve done an amazing thing with this weenie. I debated giving you king of NYC. Alas, since I don’t like having ties anymore, you shall receive a very odd rating.

4.46 weenies

I’ll be back… Tirst… Teurst… whatever. Ø!

Cheers

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Pittsburgh: Essie’s Original Hot Dog Shop

Pittsburgh is known for many things. Pittsburgh is a sports town, an old steel town, a Wiz Khalifa stomping ground, and a black and yellow breeding ground. It’s a bridge town, an incline town, where Gene Kelly used to clown, and a fatty food mecca world renowned… Poetry and rhyming aside, some friendly local folks wanted to take me out for a dog, and of course I was down. I was lucky enough to go to “The Dirty O”, or more officially, The Original Hot Dog Shop, on a cold day after Thanksgiving when, like the Grinch, my stomach grew three sizes that day. I certainly couldn’t frown.

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Yep, this place is old school. The name does not lie. The first thing I noticed is that the actual restaurant is pretty run-down and old. Nothing has changed since the 80’s, but it’s a good thing. They sell weird old beers that nobody has seen in a few fortnights, and the guy selling you those beers hasn’t been able to see in a few decades. It’s like when you put on that really old, stained, torn up sweatshirt you love. You love that it’s nasty. It’s comfortable and it feels amazing. The dogs, though, are not old, stained, and torn up. They are flat out stellar.

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These weenies are such good sports. I made fun of them for hours, and they just played along. It’s amazing how thick their skin is. OHHH, Pun City! Honestly though, this is some thick skin. If you know NY Weenies, you know what skin brings: the snap. The Dirty O’s dogs possess a fat snap unlike any that New York has never seen. My favorite kind of snap resembles the moment when you pop a loosely filled water balloon. It’s a quick release followed by an avalanche of flavor. The kind of snap I experienced on this day in Pittsburgh was like puncturing a football with a butter knife. It took a lot of effort, but it was still a lot of fun, and the flavor exploded out of there like cuckoo from a cuckoo clock. The taste of the weenie was incredible, rich and smoky, and the buns lightly toasted nicely. The best part about the Original, though, is the selection of toppings they have. I didn’t see anything you couldn’t order. So, I ordered dog 1: chili, mustard, and slaw. This is the quintessential Virginia classic. I was raised on this combo. Dog 2: yellow mustard, obviously. The other dog pictured was not for me (a loyal NY Weenian would know this, as it has been said that you can’t put ketchup on a dog unless you’re under 12 years old), but the pictures looks better with 3 dogs. Maybe I should eat 3 every review?

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I loved this place and I highly recommend it to anyone travelling to Pittsburgh. Essie must have been a great woman if the owner, Syd, decided to name this wonderful place after her. Here’s to you, Essie.

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P.S. If you’re reading this and you are Syd and Essie’s child, please let me know. I’d like to meet you. You must be an incredible human being if you have any of the same DNA that those two had. The chosen one. Neo. Anakin. The baby from “Look Who’s Talkin'”. Whatever. Need you in my life.

Cheers

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Citi Field

I’m back. Yes, I took a break from writing. Yes, I was busy, and yes, I am both a goon and a loon for failing to compose poetic soliloquies about hot dogs the last few weeks. However, I answer NO to the question, “Did you stop eating hot dogs?”. Of course not! If one writes about hot dogs, one has a passion for hot dogs, and ipso facto, one devours hot dogs as if it were one’s job. I am the one, friends. I am the one who eats the hot dog. So, without further ado, I present a review of Citi Field’s wondrous weenies. Upon conclusion, I will post a picture of every hot dog consumed on my “break.”

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Overall, Citi Field is super nice. I highly recommend it as a baseball park. However, it doe seem more expensive than others. Even Yankee Stadium is cheaper. That being said, the weenies are Nathan’s brand, and they have a topping section that is superb. Jalapenos are an option, and I did not leave them hanging. Accompanying the Jalapenos were center fielder sauerkraut and first baseman sauteed peppers. What blew my mind about this was that all of these toppings were self serve, and I didn’t think that was gross at all. They run an efficient topping supply chain and I was pretty pumped about it. As expected, there was no yellow mustard, but the spicy brown variety offered was not terrible. The bun was lightly toasted and the hot dog was pretty high quality, but as you’d expect with a ball park hot dog, it was not grilled to perfection. I finished the jalapeno mustard dog and while “watching” the game, could not stop comparing it to the Yankee Stadium dog I reviewed. So, naturally, I went for another.

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Forgive me, friends. I forgot to mention the short stop of the topping lineup: relish. God Bless relish. Eating this second weenie was like that time in high school when Ms. Morrison let us go to the library for our project, but we got Chick-Fil-A instead. I felt a little bad, but it was totally worth it in the end. This is a really good weenie. Yankee Stadium’s was bigger, but Citi Field has a higher quality dog with a more diverse range of toppings. Therefore, I hereby present the weenie crown for the best ball park dog in New York to: Citi Field.

3.25 weenies

Now, I’ll play the poke flute and awaken the Snorlax that is me in order to show you the hot dogs I’ve eaten the last few weeks. I gave them all names, because when you care about something, it’s polite to give it a name. Be polite. Name things.

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Jacinto. (Spanish for Jack) Named for the pepper jack cheese adorning a mustard-glazed weenie.

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Sybil. This guy just couldn’t find his true identity.

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This one already has a name. These are the legendary Cannibal Dogs from The Cannibal, currently the best weenie in Manhattan. Stop what you’re doing and go to this restaurant now. If I had to start a restaurant, it would not be much different from The Cannibal. Amazing.

Cheers

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Daddy-O

After 30 or so hot dog blogs, one would think that this craft would get boring. Well, one… you are wrong! There is always something new and exciting out there, especially in the wonderful town of New York City. This time, it’s a pure, unadulterated, uncured, unsmoked concoction of pork, beef, and veal. It’s Tom Cruise in a sauna. It’s boiling milk. It’s as if the island of Nantucket went up in flames. It’s a White Hot. They’re from Rochester, they’re delicious, and Daddy-O imports these bad boys from Zweigle’s for our eating pleasure. Hallelujah. Somebody give me an “A-men.”

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The Daddy-O “pop-open” hot dog, topped with Norm’s Beef Hot Sauce, Mustard, and Diced Onions. I don’t know who Norm is, hopefully Norm MacDonald, but whoever he is, he made some epic sauce. The mustard is not my favorite French’s yellow, but I’ve gotten used to this fact, and I’m pretty sure most New Yorkers will disagree with my preference anyway. The spicy brown accompanies the hot sauce well. After the mustard and hot sauce comes the onions. Normally I am against onions on a dog, but here they compliment the other strong flavors with grace. There aren’t so many that I am drowning in a Vidalia tear pool, but there are enough for an onion fan to enjoy. The toppings are on point, Daddy-O. Well done.

The best part of the dog however, is the dog itself. White hots are awesome. Kudos to Zweigle’s for producing a very high quality sausage. The only reason they are white is their uncured nature, which many may find appealing. They’re all natural. That’s trendy these days. Sure, they don’t have Kale, quinoa, and coconut oil, but this is about as close as you’ll get to vegan or healthy with me. (Sorry “by Chloe,” we eat real food here.) The folks at Daddy-O char grill the sausage to perfection, leaving a juicy, savory wiener inside a decently toasted bun. White hots tend to be bigger than other wieners as well (although this may not be true in other aspects of life), so this particular dog was very filling and could certainly be a meal. You also have the option to go for a normal frankfurter from Zweigle’s if trying the white hot isn’t your thing. However, doing so would be lame and uncouth. This is the first white hot I’ve seen in the city and it’s incredible. Go eat it. Don’t be uncouth.

4.25 weenies

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Tell me you’re not hungry. You won’t.

P.S. I hope everyone had a weenie on opening day. Baseball basically exists for hot dogs, not the other way around. Sooooo, there’s that. Wieners for the pennant!

Cheers

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Asiadog

New York is huge on its “fusion” restaurants. For example, Jerry said to Jane, “Oh my god, you wouldn’t believe the Italian Tapas Japanese fusion restaurant I went to with Ryan the other day. It was fabulous!” I may not be as enthusiastic as Jerry, but I can get down with fusion. In middle school, I would always mix yellow mustard and mayonnaise to dip my chicken nuggets in. Fusion. White people and hip hop made the Beastie Boys. Fusion. Red wine and white wine mixed together made Rosé. Fusion. Now, a hot dog and Asian cuisine made Asiadog. I can get down with that.

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(Sadly, I had to lie in the previous paragraph. I never actually mixed mustard and mayonnaise, sorry.)

Asiadog has multiple locations. They can be found in Smorgasburg, Berg’N, Madison St. Eats, and others. I found them in their new Midtown location: Urban Space. In the picture above you can see the vast variety of weenies available here. Its super exciting. I’m actually quite sad to announce that I didn’t get the “Wangding”. Next time, I definitely will just because of that name. Instead, I asked for their best dog as always, and the surprisingly educated hot dog fixer said that she couldn’t decide between two. Lucky for me, I didn’t have to feel guilty about getting two. Bring on “The Vinh” and “The Mash”.

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On the right side, standing six foot four, packing 300 pounds of pickled carrot, jalapeno, and pate, the fiercely formidable, Vinh dog! And on the left side, standing five foot three, dragging in crumbs of potato chips from the couch, doused in ketchup in mustard, embarrassing his wife, the sluggishly familiar, Mash dog!

Yes, those were my first impressions. I was taken aback by the abundance of unique toppings adorning the Vinh dog, and rather unimpressed by crumpling potato chips on a hot dog as on the Mash. With time comes change. I went for the Vinh first, as my eager, hungry personality often does. The pickled carrots were delicious, but there were a lot of them. The spice was great, but maybe not enough. The hot dog itself, just like in the Mash, was great. Asiadog prides themselves in their organic sausages. They even offer a chicken dog and a veggie dog. Now, if you ask me neither of those are actually hot dogs, but if you’re one of those types, go for it. The beef weenies I got had no casing (hence no snap, which was a downside), but tasted fresh, pure, and flat out delicious. The bun could have been a little more toasted, or perhaps of higher quality. A Martin’s potato roll never hurts, y’all.

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At this point in time I was thinking Asiadog was just good. It was unique and interesting, but not the greatest taste. It was then when I bit into the Mash. God Bless. How could one know that crumpled potato chips, fancy ketchup, and spicy jalapeno mustard could join forces to create a weenie so fine, and so gracefully elegant? It was as if a Chinese man banged a gong in my mouth, then grabbed two fire hoses that spewed out jalapeno mustard and spicy ketchup and coated my tongue with the sauces, then summoned a majestic dragon of beef to fulfill my carnivorous desires. Yes, I realize that is an absurd simile, but whatever. Go eat the Mash dog at Asiadog. It is phenomenal. Because of this, I raised my rating up a notch. I also plan on going back and trying all of their combinations.

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P.S. Red wine and white wine don’t make Rosé, silly. But for now, here’s a few other fusions to think about. Jay Z and Beyonce fornicated and made Blue Ivy. Fusion. An Orange and a Grapefruit rolled into each other on a grassy knoll and made a Tangelo. Fusion. A pig’s intestine was filled with low quality meat and formed a hot dog. Fusion, my friends, fusion.

Cheers

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The Bearded Lady: Christmas Eve

It’s Christmas Eve. Rather than get in the Christmas spirit by listening to Christmas music, baking cookies, and stuffing socks full of useless trinkets, I am choosing to write about a hot dog. The story of this hot dog, in my opinion, truly embodies the spirit of Christmas. It all began on a Saturday morning. I had purchased a Santa suit in preparation to run a 4 mile race called the jingle bell jog, where my plan was to don the suit and attempt to make it across the finish line with my coworkers. Given that I write about a hot dog once a week, y’all know I can’t be in great shape. Well, Saturday morning race day comes along, and I wake up to multiple missed calls and texts. It is 10 minutes to race time and there is no way I make it to Brooklyn on time. Epic fail. Rather than stay in and sulk, however, I make it out to Brooklyn to participate in the post race bar crawl. Part of that bar crawl took place at a bar called the Bearded Lady, which, by some sort of Christmas miracle, served hot dogs. Santa is real, and he presented me with this gift even though I was a bad boy. No coal this time, just a weenie for me. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, indeed.

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Behold the Chicago dog. As I’ve mentioned before, Chicago dogs are great, but usually mood weenies. What is a mood weenie? Every once in a while, you get in a strange mood and crave chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, right? Imagine that chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream is a Chicago dog. It’s not your go-to, but when you’re in a weird mood, it’s money. Luckily, given the events of the morning prior, I was in a weird mood, and a Chicago dog called my name. Chicago dogs are essentially gardens on top of sausages. You have your tomatoes, pickles, onions, peppers, and most importantly mustard. My favorite part about the Chicago dog is the way the yellow mustard (always yellow, obviously) interacts with the pickle to form this graceful, harmonious marriage that is most definitely legal everywhere in the US except for Alabama.

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Now, remember, we are in Brooklyn, so this is not a traditional Chicago dog. We have here a very thin toasted bun which allows for emphasis on the toppings. The toppings are diced up and covered in black pepper, which is very rare for a Chicago dog. In fact, I’ve never seen this before. It is almost as if there is some form of pico de gallo adorning the sausage. I have to say it works very well. Then, the weenie itself. Let me give a shout out again to the Brooklyn Hot Dog Co,  serving up another delicious sausage. They are long, tasty, and of incredible quality. I still long for a little more snap, but definitely some of the best sausages around. This is a very bold weenie, at a very bold place, with very bold cocktails. I highly recommend both the bar and the hot dog they serve. If you’re ever near Prospect Park, this is a great rest stop to shoot some pool and enjoy a cocktail and a dog.

3.5 weenies

Now, in honor of Christmas, a poem. This is a mashup of some of your favorite Christmas hits, entitled “Hot Dogs for Thee”.

On Dasher, on Dancer, on Schnippers, Papaya

On Comet and Cupid, The Cannibal and Rudy’s

A hot dog comes for thee, oh yum yum yum yum

A king weenie we seek, oh yum yum yum yum

Deck the halls with loads of weenies

Fatty fatty fat, we get so fat

A hot dog comes for thee, oh yum yum yum yum

A king weenie we seek, oh yum yum yum yum”

From the middle of my heart (the bottom makes no sense), thanks for all of the support in 2015. See you in 2016, as there are still many weenies to try! God bless you all and have a wonderful holiday! 

Cheers

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The Rusty Knot

This review took me to the annals of the west village, on the water where the Pirates gather to discuss their recently discovered booty. I was nautically inspired, and drank a Montauk ale among the seamen. Ahoy, indeed, mates. Then, I realized two very important things. First, that it is very easy to make crude pirate jokes. Second, that a knot physically cannot rust. A knot is usually made of rope, which is not a metal, meaning that it cannot oxidize. Without oxidation, there can be no rust. Similarly, without a good bun, there can be no good hot dog. Enter the Rusty Knot and the pretzel dog.

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When I read about the pretzel dog I was very excited. Pretzels are generally quite good, and pretzel dough is fat and excellent. Hot dogs are obviously also fat and excellent, so when you mix two fat and excellent things you get a double fat and excellent sandwich. Salt is also a great component of a pretzel which could go well with the savory hot dog flavor. However, the end result of this creation was not how it was supposed to be.

The number one rule of wrapping a pretzel around a hot dog is to ensure that the pretzel is soft. This pretzel was crunchy on the outside, like a stale popcorn shrimp. Even worse, think of a hunk of cheese that sat out overnight and you accidentally bit into it without realizing it. That’s some next level imagery. The number two rule of wrapping a pretzel around a hot dog is to keep it on the hot dog. This one fell off and moved like a hybrid slinky-accordion. If I put this on the top if the stairs, it would gracefully slink down the stairs to the tune of “Play that Funky Music White Boy” because apparently that is a song that is commonly played on the accordion. Then, the hot dog itself wasn’t cooked enough and had nary a snap. As Boomer says on Monday Night… c’mon man. Overall, the pretzel idea was poorly executed.

In the above artsy, tiled, picture gallery contraption you can see the accordion figure of the pretzel a little better. You can also see a few positive things. You can order a pickle for 2 bucks. That’s phenomenal. There is guacamole in play. Stellar. Then, there is yellow mustard dipping sauce. This is the only thing that saved this dog from being absolutely demolished in the ratings.

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Quite honestly I feel bad that this is the lowest dog ranked yet. I enjoyed the bar and the experience overall. I even took this guy I met on the street from Arkansas there because I thought it would be good. I would go to the bar again for certain. They have a pool table, and a campy nautical vibe that is very appealing. There’s a real fish tank! Regardless, (and not irregardless, that’s not a word so stop saying it America), it wasn’t a good hot dog and that’s just a fact.

Cheers

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