Daddy-O

After 30 or so hot dog blogs, one would think that this craft would get boring. Well, one… you are wrong! There is always something new and exciting out there, especially in the wonderful town of New York City. This time, it’s a pure, unadulterated, uncured, unsmoked concoction of pork, beef, and veal. It’s Tom Cruise in a sauna. It’s boiling milk. It’s as if the island of Nantucket went up in flames. It’s a White Hot. They’re from Rochester, they’re delicious, and Daddy-O imports these bad boys from Zweigle’s for our eating pleasure. Hallelujah. Somebody give me an “A-men.”

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The Daddy-O “pop-open” hot dog, topped with Norm’s Beef Hot Sauce, Mustard, and Diced Onions. I don’t know who Norm is, hopefully Norm MacDonald, but whoever he is, he made some epic sauce. The mustard is not my favorite French’s yellow, but I’ve gotten used to this fact, and I’m pretty sure most New Yorkers will disagree with my preference anyway. The spicy brown accompanies the hot sauce well. After the mustard and hot sauce comes the onions. Normally I am against onions on a dog, but here they compliment the other strong flavors with grace. There aren’t so many that I am drowning in a Vidalia tear pool, but there are enough for an onion fan to enjoy. The toppings are on point, Daddy-O. Well done.

The best part of the dog however, is the dog itself. White hots are awesome. Kudos to Zweigle’s for producing a very high quality sausage. The only reason they are white is their uncured nature, which many may find appealing. They’re all natural. That’s trendy these days. Sure, they don’t have Kale, quinoa, and coconut oil, but this is about as close as you’ll get to vegan or healthy with me. (Sorry “by Chloe,” we eat real food here.) The folks at Daddy-O char grill the sausage to perfection, leaving a juicy, savory wiener inside a decently toasted bun. White hots tend to be bigger than other wieners as well (although this may not be true in other aspects of life), so this particular dog was very filling and could certainly be a meal. You also have the option to go for a normal frankfurter from Zweigle’s if trying the white hot isn’t your thing. However, doing so would be lame and uncouth. This is the first white hot I’ve seen in the city and it’s incredible. Go eat it. Don’t be uncouth.

4.25 weenies

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Tell me you’re not hungry. You won’t.

P.S. I hope everyone had a weenie on opening day. Baseball basically exists for hot dogs, not the other way around. Sooooo, there’s that. Wieners for the pennant!

Cheers

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Crimson & Rye

Move over Kobe, your time is up. I’m glad you’re retiring, because there’s a new beef in the house. What’s up Wagyu! Sure, Wagyu doesn’t sound as good as Kobe, look as good as Kobe, or win championships as well as Kobe. However, Wagyu can stuff himself inside of an intestine and make a damn good hot dog. For those completely confused by my bizarre metaphor, I was lucky enough to enjoy a Wagyu beef hot dog from Crimson & Rye. Kobe beef is another type of beef from Japan known to be the highest quality. Wagyu is good too, just not as good as Kobe. But, Kobe is retiring, so… *balls up a piece of paper, shoots into the trash can*… Wagyu!

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Yes, that’s what they’re servin’ up at Crimson and Rye. That there is a tantalizing concoction of Wagyu goodness. On top of this wiener is a semi-spicy relish, sauteed onions, and a beautiful whole grain mustard sauce. All of this is enclosed in a preposterously gorgeous potato bun unlike any I’ve ever had. The flavors that the toppings add here are quite strong, but luckily they work well together.  Imagine Eddie Murphy, Christopher Walken, and Christian Bale are forced into a room together. Sure, there is going to be a lot going on since they are all big personalities, and something bad may happen, but it will definitely be exciting.

The foundation of the dog is solid. What else is solid? Oh I don’t know, diamonds, steel, and Stone Cold Steve Austin’s abs. That’s not bad company to be in. The sausage is really good, but not quite what I expected Wagyu to be. If a cut of beef has a specific, commonly used name, it should be pretty awesome right? Yes, it was very good, but it wasn’t stellar. The dog was big, beefy, and flavorful, but had no snap and had a pink color that I just couldn’t get behind. I couldn’t tell how the dog was cooked, but I am pretty sure it wasn’t grilled so I wasn’t a huge fan of its preparation. Regardless, it was still amazing, I just have to find something to complain about or else this wouldn’t be interesting.

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Epic weenie. The mustard relish combo is traditional. I like traditional because it works. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Well done Crimson & Rye.

4.25 weenies

Fun fact time for the readers. Crimson and Rye is in the Lipstick Building. The Lipstick Building formerly hosted one Bernie Madoff. Bernie Madoff formerly stole a whole lot of people’s money in an elaborate Ponzi scheme. What do Bernie Madoff and I have in common? We are both thieves. He is a thief because he stole people’s money, and I am a thief because I stole your time. You just read about a hot dog for a few minutes. You could have been reading the news. Good choice, the news stinks. Thanks for reading.

Cheers

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Papaya Dog

It’s 7:56 PM and I haven’t had dinner yet. I’m fresh off of a bar crawl, getting off the subway to meander to my friend’s apartment. There, on the horizon, shines bright like a diamond, a beacon of hope. For 4 dollars I could devour 2 of my favorite things in the world and be completely full, recharged, and ready for the night. Of course I stop in. In my opinion, you have to be outside of your mind to not stop in. Look at the picture above. It is a paradise of culinary delicacies that one could only hope for in heaven. The best part about this paradise is it won’t cost you any money! This place is literally helping society by providing low cost health plans to the general public. I don’t care how much money you make, you can afford Papaya Dog. Bernie Sanders loves this place.

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Political jokes aside, look at those bad boys. I don’t know about the readers, but I’ll take that image over the SI Swimsuit cover any day. I mean, let’s be honest, Ronda Rousey and the Dove bar soap girl make up two thirds of the covers now. Regardless of your preference, I ordered a nacho cheese and a chili dog. The “nacho” cheese was exactly what I was looking for: melted Kraft singles. The chili, however, had the most appeal, because unlike many other types of hot dog chili, this one had beans. Loads of beans. Let’s take a step back and really take a good look at the bean, or the legume, if you will. It is one of the healthiest, tastiest, most abundant sources of nutrition on the planet. There are many types of beans, all of which peacefully coexist. Kidney beans, pinto beans, black beans, navy beans, and even lima beans, all offer a different flavor and appearance to those lucky enough to consume. In a way, beans are the humans of the earth. This is why we should love them. Any way, I was excited about that bean loaded chili.

The bun is nicely toasted, and the wieners came out quickly. The wieners were hot, and with nowhere to sit I wasted little time diving in. Much like the other rival papaya hot dog joints in the city, the sausage itself is relatively thin, but flavorful. The difference here is the consistency. I felt a little bit like I was eating a slim jim. Now, before that sounds terrible, I love slim jims, obviously, because I love all things cheap and loaded with preservatives. However, it is a negative observation in this case because when compared to the other papaya joints I’ve reviewed (Papaya King and Gray’s Papaya), the sausage just doesn’t compare. The King of the Papaya’s is still the aptly named Papaya King on the Upper East side. But, I will never speak poorly of a place that offers decent cheap dogs at all hours of the day. I have been to Papaya Dog many times before, and I will go again.

3 weenies

Now, because this is a NY Weenies @ Night edition, I have to tell a story. After I ate the two dogs, I was still hungry because I always seem to be hungry and I had been consuming adult beverages earlier in the day. My friend told me he would buy me a corn dog if, as I ate it, I asked the next person I saw a question. This question had to be, “would you like to taste my wiener?” So, I’d like to apologize to the person on the street I embarrassed that day. Just take solace in the fact that I slathered that corn dog in French’s yellow mustard and downright cherished it. Thank you, stranger.

Cheers

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Lucky’s

Red and yellow has never been a good color combination. Its simply too much – too harsh. Who in their right mind would put red and yellow right next to each other? McDonald’s owns that color combination. Someone in marketing decided that was a good idea? Is it supposed to be subliminal messaging? Add the eating smiley face to the mix and it feels like you’re in one of James Bond’s evil villain’s Chinese torture chamber. Quite honestly, the bright colors kept me away from this place, although I’ve seen them all over the city. Then I found out they had hot dogs.

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Not only do they serve hot dogs, but they serve the “Chili Cheese Dog Supreme.” Let me describe how epic of a name that is. They took four of my favorite words, put them in a row, and used them to describe something to eat, which is my favorite thing to do. Why did I ever doubt this place? The weenie came out quickly, piping hot, and the staff was very friendly. The creepy yellow smiley face lights that made up 60 percent of the surface area of the ceiling were definitely not my favorite, but I let it slide once this glorious weenie came into view.

Upon first bite, the first thing I notice is the cheese. This is thick, melted, nacho cheese. It is a little richer than the melted Kraft singles I’ve enjoyed before, and I’m totally OK with it. It goes together quite nicely with the chili all over the dog. In fact, it is nestled within the dog because the dog split in half. Poor dog. Normally, I’m not a split in half kind of guy but in this case there is so much chili and cheese its almost necessary to keep the slop within the bounds of the bun. I shouldn’t call the chili slop – that sounds like something in a pig trough. This chili is a stew of beefy goodness only kings should have access to. If they sold this in cans, my pantry would have already collapsed from the weight of the copious amounts of chili I would buy. If I had an Jewish friend who chose to break Kosher rules one time in his life, I would feed him this chili. Oh, they put some onions on it, too.

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The bun is supportive of its contents, thick, and well-toasted. I’m about 84% sure it is a potato roll, but for some reason I can’t tell because the whole room is yellow from the ceiling lights. I know the frank is a Hebrew National, because it is advertised as such. It is an average sausage, and cutting it in half does always eliminate the snap. However, no snap here is not a problem because the focus was totally on the chili and cheese. I kind of wish there was no onion, but it didn’t hurt the overall taste at all because the chili was so on point. Lucky’s advertises the chili as Angus, so I can infer that it is imported. As an importer/exporter, I can respect the decision to import from Texas here. Hook ’em horns.

3.75 weenies

What just happened? Three quarters of a weenie? That’s right folks, I was so torn here that I brought in the quarter weenie. Behold a revolution. Trust me, it will help in the future when there’s 100 of these reviews, I make a list of the best weenies in NYC, and take over the world. Too much?

Cheers

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Humboldt & Jackson

Well, I found myself in Brooklyn again. This time was far enough away that I caught people giving me funny glances as I walked around the streets. While it is in Williamsburg, it is definitely in the back of Williamsburg. Back here is where the Wicked Witch of the West summers. The rat from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles has a place here. Have you seen PeeWee’s Big Adventure? This is where Large Marge lives. However, nestled within this barrio is a little taquito of holiness called Humboldt and Jackson, serving up excellent All-American drinks and snacks. It’s crafty.

  
Before I get into the deliciousness that is pictured above, let me start out by saying that these guys serve something called “beer cheese fondue”. I cannot name a single time in life where if that was on the menu I wouldn’t order it. It was amazing, and I highly recommend it. Beer is good, cheese is good, and fondue is fun to say in a french accent with a beret on. Beer cheese fondue is a fantastic invention. (Maybe they should put some of it on a hot dog.)

Now, the weenie itself. The Chili Verde Dog. H&J is all about small market beers, and they keep constant with that theme in their hot dogs. The weenie itself is from Brooklyn Hot Dog Co., a local sausage maker. If I knew that was a profession that I could tell a guidance counselor in elementary school, it would have been on the top of my list. Not only is it local, it tastes damn good. Note to self, I need to visit the weenie factory soon. Then, laid gracefully on top of the dog is the chili verde. This is certainly a first for me, and a pretty unique, hipster-y topping. I am definitely a fan of it, but I’m not so sure it should be on a hot dog. If you’ve ever eaten flautas, this hot dog is essentially flautas plus a sausage. There are some mexican soft cheeses and diced onions on top as well that help cut the spice of the chili verde. The bun is toasted with care, and they even stuck a little American flag in it. How perfect is that? 

  
Obviously I enjoyed it. The weenie in general was kind of like that kid that you stay friends with only because he is interesting. You don’t want to hang out with him all the time, but every once in a while he provides a little spark to your drab, meaningless, mundane existence. Pop some chili verde on that bad boy and that’s the personality you’ll get in the dog. Good, but not great. Mexican, but American. Sauce, but not salsa. Ornate, not elegant.

3.5 weenies

I would also like to point out that I did not plan on coming to this establishment, nor did I know they had hot dogs. I was more than pleasantly surprised with the place in general and the fact that they had a gourmet hot dog on the menu. They specialize in beer and wine pairings and everything that they serve was really good. Go there. 

On a more serious note, what has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper…

Cheers

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Shake Shack

There are two things in life that I have dreamt about, yet hadn’t done before this review. They are: eat cake by the ocean, and eat at Shake Shack. One of these has been accomplished in the last 24 hours. Unfortunately, no, I did not eat cake by the ocean (sorry Joe Jonas). I am very happy, however, that my first time at Shake Shack I was there to eat a hot dog and not a burger. I’m also very happy that everything about Shake Shack was better than expected. I went in thinking I was going to have a touristy, commercial, type of vibe. In the restaurant, everything changed. I came out stuffed, with both a cheese stain and a mustard stain on my shirt. That, my friends, is how life should be.

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The Shack-Meister. That is exactly what a hot dog should be called, because I want my sausage to sound like my college frat buddy who partied the hardest. Ooooh, the Shack-meister, look at him gooo, chug a beer, he’s the Shack-meister. Besides its already epic name, it apparently is the most popular dog on the menu and according to the man behind the counter “made them famous”. This is a very unique dog. It’s the first I’ve reviewed that is split open. It is also the first I’ve reviewed with fried shallots (elegant onions). But, most importantly, it is the first I’ve reviewed with cheese. Poured in the crevasse of the weenie is a delicious cheese that tastes like 7 Kraft singles melted and condensed like Campbell’s soup. It is glorious. For some reason it reminds me of molten steel being poured in the forges of the industrial age. I’m basically Andrew Carnegie building America one weenie at a time, pouring my molten steel on wieners across the nation.

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The bun is of the potato variety. It’s dense and yellow, well toasted, and compliments the rich flavors of the toppings well. The sausage is maybe my least favorite part of the dog. There is no char, no snap, and the split open presentation helps with the cheese, but takes away from overall enjoyment. It does have a nice smoky flavor, however, which works well with everything else. The crispy fried scallions (elegant onions) add a nice crunch and appearance. Every element of the hot dog compliments each other in a different way, combining for a delightfully rich and savory experience. This dog is not to be laughed at. Don’t mess with the Shack-Meister, he’ll steal your girlfriend.

4 weenies

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Oh my goodness I totally forgot. Shake Shack has yellow mustard everywhere. It’s on tap, it’s in packets, it’s underneath the chairs, and it oozes from the light fixtures. Y’all know how I feel about my yellow mustard. It is incredibly refreshing and completely correct that spicy brown is not in the entire restaurant. Thank you, Shake Shack, may the tides forever be in your favor.

Cheers

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Bill’s Bar & Burger

Sometimes, after looking at a bunch of Picasso sculptures, you get a hankering for a weenie. It happens to me all of the time. For example, on Sunday, the cubism really got to me and I just had a craving for a fat juicy sausage. I was very much a tourist that day. After cruising around in the MoMa, I dilly-dallied on over to Rockefeller Center and watched some guys try way too hard to impress their dates by trying to ice skate. I was feeling way too cute and traditional. Then, like the star of Bethlehem, Bill’s Bar and Burger appeared on the horizon. Today, for this young man, it would be Bill’s Bar and Hot Dog.

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There were 4 dogs on the menu. New York, Chili Cheese, Chicago, and Corn Dogs were the options. I asked the young gentle-dude what the best weenie was, and got a literal LOL reply, “I like them plain with ketchup.” I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: the only time it is OK to eat a ketchup hot dog is if you’re under 12. So, I may have to contact a lawyer and see about Bill’s Bar and Burger’s child labor situation. I then had to press the waiter and rephrase by asking for the most popular weenie, since his judgment was so terrible. I ended up with the Chicago Dog. I was very pleased with this, as it had been a while since I had one. The last I remember was Frankie’s On the Go back in July, and it was pretty underwhelming. A Chicago Dog is typically mustard, onions, tomatoes, pickles, and peppers. It’s like a little salad on a dog. I’m not a salad guy (who would have guessed, a guy who writes about hot dogs doesn’t like salads), but I love a good Chicago dog. Upon receipt of the sausage, the first thing I noticed was the bun. Big dog in a little bun. (Sung to the tune of “fat guy in a little coat”). The hot dog isn’t even that big! Honey, I shrunk your bun.

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The little bun wasn’t too big of a problem, though. The picture above highlights the best part of Bill’s Bar and Burger’s weenie: the actual sausage. It’s a Hatfield’s all beef bad boy. I highly recommend. They probably could have cooked it a little more, but this was like a Maserati among Hyundais. An albatross among finches. Well done Hatfield’s. The pickle was sliced, which is against my preference, but the mustard was classic French’s yellow and it made me feel alive again. The peppers had a nice spice to them, but maybe were a little too much, or too acidic. Lord knows I have heartburn problems already, I certainly don’t need more of that. In all honesty I really enjoyed the hot dog itself. Plus, at Bill’s, you can order a “Cold Ass Beer”. It is literally the brand of a beer. I don’t care who you are, that’s fun.

3.5 weenies

I’d like you all to leave this review thinking that you should go to Bill’s Bar and Burger. It is definitely a great place to grab a simple meal. Plus, it’s in the Rockefeller Center, so when your parents come in and want to see the tree, you can drag them in to get a burger or a weenie and not even feel bad about it. Then, you can watch a bunch of people fall in the ice skating rink. Then, you can go see the Rockettes. Is it Christmas yet? Smart marketing, Bill’s. Smart.

Cheers

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Ditch Plains

At one point in our lives we were all children. At that same point in our lives we all loved Macaroni and Cheese. Well, I am still at that point in my life, and let me tell you… I’ve got the blues. Kraft Mac-a-roni and Cheeeese. I love Mac n’ Cheese! If you don’t, I question your existence as a human being. The only excuse you may have is lactose intolerance. Even then, fight through and attack the mac. Squeeze the cheese. Put your nose in the elbows. Feel the steam from the cream. Be daft with the Kraft. Eat yo’ Mac n’ Cheese, y’all. It’s pretty simple. Even better, put it on a hot dog. Luckily, the folks at Ditch Plains accomplished just that.

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Yes, that is real. The Ditch Dog at Ditch Plains. This is a great spot. Located in the West Village, it has a very chill vibe, plenty of good beers on tap, and some great menu options that are pretty affordable. They also have a nice selection of hot dogs, which is obviously what I got excited about. Without much hesitation, the bartender referred me to the Ditch Dog because that is what “put them on the map.” This dude was right on the money. When it came out to the bar, the image in front of me was something that could rival a Picasso. However, I must warn, if for any reason you don’t like Mac n’ Cheese (as previously stated you would be a moron if this was true), steer clear of this dog. Also, if the frank were plain, I’m not sure how great it would have been. The hot dog itself is a little scrawny and without snap. That is my only criticism. The mac is so creamy and delicious, and almost everything you taste in every bite is the Mac.  It’s honestly just a very creative way to serve Macaroni and Cheese, and I’m completely OK with that. Two great things should be paired with each other to make even greater things. It’s a fact of life. For example: Sonny and Cher, Penn and Teller, Shaq and Kobe, or even reading the newspaper and sitting on the toilet. Why have one when you can have both? Mac n’ Cheese and hot dogs.

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Go eat it now. I had to leave another picture to remind you. It’s just too good to leave out. I highly recommend this dog, and was close to giving it the highest rating so far, but I think I was getting emotional or something. I was thinking about Matilda, and my childhood, and the happiness that came with it. Must. Use. Logic. Epic weenie.

4 weenies.

P.S. My thoughts about this recent “meat causes cancer” crap: what doesn’t cause cancer?! Phones, cardboard, satellites, carcinogens, plastic, air, deodorant, and now processed meat?! Give me a break. Apparently processed meat increases your chance of getting cancer by 17%. Most illogical, media guzzling Americans see that number and assume their chance of getting cancer is immediately 17% after they eat one piece of beef. Knock, knock, pudding heads, that 17% means that the 3 or 4 percent chance you already had of getting cancer is now 3.2 or 4.2 percent. Not a big deal. Eat your meat. Science is OK with it. I promise. If you’re going to get cancer it is probably from something else, such as living in this already cancer-prone world. Carcinogens might cause cancer too, a recent study suggested. Long live the meats.

P.P.S. “Load the grill with fatty meats. Put ’em on a bun, and eat eat eat.” – Sinbad

ditch plains

Cheers

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Deli & Dogz

Any real New Yorker knows that Midtown isn’t a very desirable place. You have to merge into the flow of humans like you’re on I-95, there’s homeless people at every corner, euro tourists with strange fashion sense, American tourists with even stranger fashion sense, etc. etc. There certainly aren’t many great restaurants in Midtown, but since there is such high demand for a quick lunch, there are a lot of decent cheap eats. One of my favorite types of cheap eats are the quintessential food trucks. Fridays on 46th street bring in at least 5 food trucks, one of which serendipitously served hot dogs. So, I left the office with the Stable crew, put my blinker on, merged on to fifth avenue, passed a gallery of talented Asian tourist photographers, and found my way to the first food truck I’ve ever reviewed. 

  

What is that? What is that green stuff on the weenie? Ladies and Gentleman, let me introduce you to relish. I can’t believe this is my 13th post and this is the first time I’ve had relish on a hot dog. Relish is one of the best condiments to ever be placed on a dog. It’s the only condiment for which the following sentence is gramatically correct: I have a relish for relish. It’s a classic that I fear may be fizzling out. Kind of like pogo sticks – what happened to those?! They’re amazing, just like relish. Sweet, yet tangy, juicy, yet smooth, relish is a wonderful compliment to mustard. Relish. Say yes to the dress…ing.

Now for the sausage itself. This was a fat boy. I’m reminded of Big Nick’s, which I recently reviewed, but this one is juicier. It is literally too big for the bun. That bun can’t feel good about itself. I am willing to look past this obviously unhealthy relationship and just think about taste. The dog itself has a kind of unique smoky flavor that I definitely liked, but it was almost too meaty. There was no snap, and it didnt seem too fresh. The bun was pretty good, but not great. It reminds me of that friend you have that you only invite to big events, but you never really just hang out. He or she doesn’t leave a lasting impression, but you say “oh, it was good to see _______”. They get picked somewhere in the middle in backyard football. For 3 dollars this was also a bargain. You would be straight silly to not spend three George Washingtons for this hot dog. 

 

I also was able to eat my first knish from this place. I know it’s off topic, but those things are pretty awesome. They are just a fat fried Jewish hunk of potatoes. (No, I’m not talking about Eli…) Anyway, the staff at the food truck were great and they definitely specialize in pastrami, which we were allowed to taste, which was very good. Overall, I enjoyed the hot dog and was happy to see that relish was a featured condiment. This to me was like seeing Eddie Murphy being funny again. I was elated. I would definitely return. Thanks Deli and Dogz.

3 weenies.

My favorite moment of this lunch was when I looked down at the last bite of my hot dog and it was sitting vertically, with a small piece of bun and relish sticking off the side of the sausage. I couldn’t help but think that it looked a lot like Donald Duck. I’ll leave you with that.

Cheers

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Big Nick’s Burger Joint and Pizza Joint Too

The unexpected is never expected. Some of life’s best, worst, and certainly most impactful moments are unexpected. Unexpected can be happy, or it can be sad, but at the end of the day without unexpected moments life would be boring and crappy. This would mean no lottery winners, no news, no pearl harbor, no Lenny Kravitz ding-a-lings, no Janet Jackson nipple rings, and worst of all, no impromptu hot dog reviews. A google search of “where to eat hot dogs on the upper west side” took us to “Big Nick’s Burger Joint and Pizza Joint Too”, featuring “Giant Hot Dogs.” “Let’s go”, I declared.

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Oh Big Nick, what big weenies you have! Look at all of those giant hot dogs. Walking into this place nobody in their right mind would imagine they would have a hot dog selection on their menu such as this. You can even make it deluxe, like it is some sort of a cheeseburger. I asked what their best dog was, as per usual, and the response was, “with cheese.” Obviously adding chili is never a bad option, so the cheese and chili melt was the obvious choice for this old boy. The environment here was very old school, local, and rooted in tradition. This would be a great late night stop in for a college student, but also a perfect early lunch spot for a retiree. There is nothing impressive, but I feel at home. Remember Grandma’s house growing up? It was kind of old, run down, and filled with a bunch of unnecessary things, but you liked it because Grandma cooked for you and let you stay up late? This is how I felt at Big Nick’s.

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There is the dog itself. The Giant Hot Dog Melt. This is certainly a fat boy. At first glance, it reminds me of the quarter pound big bit at 7-11. A classic growing up for me, I began to feel even more at home. Unfortunately I didn’t see any French’s yellow mustard around, so I chose not to apply any mustard at all and eat as is. This is rare, but I felt it acceptable to allow the cheese to do some talking. Speak up, cheese! I’d like to take a moment and really let the cheese on this dog sink in – melt in your mind. Look at it. The cheese on this dog is a Kraft single. What?! At first, I though this was one of the most poor displays of culinary artistry I had ever seen. But no, the unexpected is never expected. The slice of cheese underneath the dog was the best part of the whole thing. I highly recommend it. It makes sense for Big Nick’s, too. They are a burger place first. Why not take some of the burger cheese and slap it on a dog? Epic creativity.

Now, I can’t make them sound too great because the dog itself was kind of dry, especially for being so fat, and the bun wasn’t hot, but was still somehow toasted. Furthermore, I got it deluxe simply because it sounded interesting, and the dog came with a big leaf of lettuce and two tomatoes on the side, like I was a rabbit. It made no sense. Stop it Big Nick. Don’t do that again. The chili wasn’t the best either, it lacked any sort of spice and started to look fecal after sitting in the open air for a few minutes. My personal goal in life is to avoid looking fecal at all costs.

3 weenies.

The Kraft single underneath the hot dog was revolutionary, creative, and downright titillating. However, it wasn’t a complete package. It’s a pretty decent spot overall, but if you don’t make it there, it would be expected.

Cheers

P.S. Is this a good new name? “Big Nick’s Burger Joint and Pizza Joint and Hot Dog Joint Also.” I’d consider it. Give the people what they want.

P.P.S. I have a map now! Check out where I’ve eaten all my weenies geography style: Map on BobbyPin

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