Daddy-O

After 30 or so hot dog blogs, one would think that this craft would get boring. Well, one… you are wrong! There is always something new and exciting out there, especially in the wonderful town of New York City. This time, it’s a pure, unadulterated, uncured, unsmoked concoction of pork, beef, and veal. It’s Tom Cruise in a sauna. It’s boiling milk. It’s as if the island of Nantucket went up in flames. It’s a White Hot. They’re from Rochester, they’re delicious, and Daddy-O imports these bad boys from Zweigle’s for our eating pleasure. Hallelujah. Somebody give me an “A-men.”

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The Daddy-O “pop-open” hot dog, topped with Norm’s Beef Hot Sauce, Mustard, and Diced Onions. I don’t know who Norm is, hopefully Norm MacDonald, but whoever he is, he made some epic sauce. The mustard is not my favorite French’s yellow, but I’ve gotten used to this fact, and I’m pretty sure most New Yorkers will disagree with my preference anyway. The spicy brown accompanies the hot sauce well. After the mustard and hot sauce comes the onions. Normally I am against onions on a dog, but here they compliment the other strong flavors with grace. There aren’t so many that I am drowning in a Vidalia tear pool, but there are enough for an onion fan to enjoy. The toppings are on point, Daddy-O. Well done.

The best part of the dog however, is the dog itself. White hots are awesome. Kudos to Zweigle’s for producing a very high quality sausage. The only reason they are white is their uncured nature, which many may find appealing. They’re all natural. That’s trendy these days. Sure, they don’t have Kale, quinoa, and coconut oil, but this is about as close as you’ll get to vegan or healthy with me. (Sorry “by Chloe,” we eat real food here.) The folks at Daddy-O char grill the sausage to perfection, leaving a juicy, savory wiener inside a decently toasted bun. White hots tend to be bigger than other wieners as well (although this may not be true in other aspects of life), so this particular dog was very filling and could certainly be a meal. You also have the option to go for a normal frankfurter from Zweigle’s if trying the white hot isn’t your thing. However, doing so would be lame and uncouth. This is the first white hot I’ve seen in the city and it’s incredible. Go eat it. Don’t be uncouth.

4.25 weenies

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Tell me you’re not hungry. You won’t.

P.S. I hope everyone had a weenie on opening day. Baseball basically exists for hot dogs, not the other way around. Sooooo, there’s that. Wieners for the pennant!

Cheers

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Cart on 42nd and 5th Avenue – Sabrett

Somebody had to do it. Many citizens of New York see hot dog carts as a Zika rash on the skin of Manhattan. I see them much differently. I see leopard spots, snow within a snow globe, Marisa Miller’s freckles, and Mikhail Gorbachev’s bald-headed birthmark all rolled into one. I see hard working Americans trying to make a dollar and in doing so making other hard working Americans happier. That’s what life is all about, folks. So get out there and support your local hot dog cart. I sure do.

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You ain’t nothin’ but a cart dog. That’s what Elvis said in his “Deeper Cuts” album never released to the public. See above a plain and simple cart dog done with class. When you order a dog from the cart, you don’t want to complicate it. Mustard is all you need. Unfortunately, most carts are spicy brown only. Once you can get over this fact, you’re in the clear and will need only to fork over three dollars.

The way I will review the hot dog carts of NYC is fairly simple. Obviously, there is almost no humanly possible way to get to every cart in Manhattan. They are constantly moving, changing ownership, and changing employees. Any normal human would be driven insane. This is why I will go to every cart that serves a different type of hot dog or is run by a different company. I this particular instance, the weenie was a Sabrett – “The Frankfurter New Yorkers Relish.” 0.5 points just for that slogan.

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This particular dog did not have a toasted bun, nor was the sausage grilled. Yes, this was a classic “dirty water dog”. This means that they boiled the wiener. Of course, a grilled wiener is much more desirable than a boiled wiener. It only makes sense. Then, my server man was very liberal with the mustard, which I will never complain about, until it gets on my jacket. It got on my jacket, ladies and gentleman. I’ll have a stain there for years. People will make fun of me because of the attendant of this hot dog cart. That’s not a good look. I tried to lick it off of my jacket, but that’s a far worse look. Don’t lick your jacket.

2.75 weenies

Yes, I may have given this more weenies than most would have predicted given my comments above. However, please note, I will always support the fact that I can grab a hot dog on the side of the street at any time of the day or night with three measly dollars. Most ATM fees in New York are three dollars. If you give a homeless man on the street three dollars, he will think you’re being stingy. Three dollars is laughable. Three dollars, however, could also be the highlight of your day in the form of a magnificent, golden painted hot dog from a NYC hot dog cart. Thank you, NYC cart vendors, thank you.

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P.S. I have business cards now thanks to Mike. How sweet is that?! 2 legit 2 quit. Follow the Instagram and send suggestions to nyweenies@gmail.com.

Cheers

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Copenhagen Street Dog Winter Championship

Well boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen, this is the first time I write a review as a VIP. This is the first time that I am a member of the press. That’s right, I was allowed access to the second annual Copenhagen Street Dog Winter Hot Dog Championship. What’s included? 3 gourmet hot dogs which are to be voted on by attendees and a winner chosen. Then, unlimited Copenhagen Street Dogs after that. Denmark is bringing a monsoon of wieners to the US and I’m pumped about it. That monsoon will bring rains and high seas and on those high seas will sail a giant wooden shoe full of wieners and beer. God bless Denmark. God bless America.

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First up: She’s Gone Nuts. This is definitely not the most flattering title for the weenie, but I get it, it’s a pun because it has peanuts on it. Here we have pickled red cabbage, crushed peanuts, honey-sriracha mayo and cilantro. This is the simplest of the three gourmet dogs, which is quite titillating because it’s not simple at all! The first bite instantly gave me the experience I was going to be having all day. These sausages are amazing. The Copenhagen Street Dogs have an incredible snap, something I’ve written about before, and a robust flavor profile that I haven’t tasted in American hot dogs. They are top notch. The next experience I get is the bun which is my least favorite part of all three of these wieners. There is simply too much bread, and the bun isn’t very warm. It’s a little baguette-y, and I certainly didn’t come here to have French hot dogs. The Danes are way sweeter than the French and that’s just a fact. The toppings provide a spicy-sweet mix that is quite delectable. My least favorite part of this dog is the peanuts. I love peanuts in general, but I don’t think they have much of a purpose here. They sort of draw attention away from the dog, like Cindy Crawford’s mole. Get rid of it.

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Dog number two: The Dominican Dane. This one is so rare that I didn’t know what two of the ingredients were until I looked them up. Longaniza, fried green plantain flakes, Danish Agurkesalat, and spicy mayo. Agurke-say-what?!! It turns out it is just cucumber salad. And Longaniza, that’s just another kind of sausage, like chorizo. This is a double sausage dog. Epic. This guy has the most spice of the three, and I really like the fried plantains to add just a touch of sweet. The way the spicy mayo and the Longaniza mixed to create this tongue tingling ooze of fatty excellence really made this dog stand out. I’m a massive fan. 10 points for Gryffindor!

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Lastly: The World Fusion Dog. This is definitely the most unique of them all. On this sausage we have a pineapple relish, wasabi mayo, pancetta, and bonito flakes. What is a bonito flake you ask? Oh, not much, just dried, fermented, and smoked tuna. What?! I literally just learned this because I had to look it up. If I knew what this was when eating it I’m sure I would have disliked it much more. I think I’d rather put Fancy Feast for cats on a hot dog than this crap. At least that’s fancy. Oh well, this dog wasn’t bad, but it was my least favorite. They tried too hard here. I liked the wasabi mayo, but it didn’t jive with the pineapple. Pancetta is fun, but it didn’t jive with gross tuna flake-age. It’s like tuna dandruff. Good lord. But, at the end of the day it was still a decent dog overall.

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Above sits the traditional røde pølser. These were great, and we could eat as many as we wanted. The traditional toppings are cucumber, ketchup, mustard, and what appeared to be potato flakes. Excellent. The part that made this stand out from the others is the bun. It was much thinner and toasted with more gusto. Sure, the toppings weren’t as exciting, but the quality was top notch. Check out copenhagenstreetdog.com for more.

So, among the 3 gourmet dogs, who won?

Competition Winner: She’s Gone Nuts

My Winner: The Dominican Dane

Overall weenie review: 4 weenies

Yeah, I disagreed with everyone that voted. You know who else disagreed with the general public, but were right all along?  Galileo. He said the world was round, and the Catholics said it was flat. Rosa Parks. White people told her to sit in the back, and she sat in the front. JFK. Teddy Roosevelt. Miley Cyrus. The Weeknd. Trump. You heard it here first: the Danes are making weenies great again.

Cheers

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Lucky’s

Red and yellow has never been a good color combination. Its simply too much – too harsh. Who in their right mind would put red and yellow right next to each other? McDonald’s owns that color combination. Someone in marketing decided that was a good idea? Is it supposed to be subliminal messaging? Add the eating smiley face to the mix and it feels like you’re in one of James Bond’s evil villain’s Chinese torture chamber. Quite honestly, the bright colors kept me away from this place, although I’ve seen them all over the city. Then I found out they had hot dogs.

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Not only do they serve hot dogs, but they serve the “Chili Cheese Dog Supreme.” Let me describe how epic of a name that is. They took four of my favorite words, put them in a row, and used them to describe something to eat, which is my favorite thing to do. Why did I ever doubt this place? The weenie came out quickly, piping hot, and the staff was very friendly. The creepy yellow smiley face lights that made up 60 percent of the surface area of the ceiling were definitely not my favorite, but I let it slide once this glorious weenie came into view.

Upon first bite, the first thing I notice is the cheese. This is thick, melted, nacho cheese. It is a little richer than the melted Kraft singles I’ve enjoyed before, and I’m totally OK with it. It goes together quite nicely with the chili all over the dog. In fact, it is nestled within the dog because the dog split in half. Poor dog. Normally, I’m not a split in half kind of guy but in this case there is so much chili and cheese its almost necessary to keep the slop within the bounds of the bun. I shouldn’t call the chili slop – that sounds like something in a pig trough. This chili is a stew of beefy goodness only kings should have access to. If they sold this in cans, my pantry would have already collapsed from the weight of the copious amounts of chili I would buy. If I had an Jewish friend who chose to break Kosher rules one time in his life, I would feed him this chili. Oh, they put some onions on it, too.

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The bun is supportive of its contents, thick, and well-toasted. I’m about 84% sure it is a potato roll, but for some reason I can’t tell because the whole room is yellow from the ceiling lights. I know the frank is a Hebrew National, because it is advertised as such. It is an average sausage, and cutting it in half does always eliminate the snap. However, no snap here is not a problem because the focus was totally on the chili and cheese. I kind of wish there was no onion, but it didn’t hurt the overall taste at all because the chili was so on point. Lucky’s advertises the chili as Angus, so I can infer that it is imported. As an importer/exporter, I can respect the decision to import from Texas here. Hook ’em horns.

3.75 weenies

What just happened? Three quarters of a weenie? That’s right folks, I was so torn here that I brought in the quarter weenie. Behold a revolution. Trust me, it will help in the future when there’s 100 of these reviews, I make a list of the best weenies in NYC, and take over the world. Too much?

Cheers

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Ben’s Kosher Deli

I am ferociously dedicated to hot dogs. My devotion to the weenie is undying. Just about 2 hours ago, I walked 20 minutes from work… to a deli I had no enthusiasm for… in 10 degree wind chilled temperatures… alone… simply to eat a hot dog, take pictures of it, and write about it. If I told that to a psychiatrist, I’d be in a straight jacket right now. In fact, I heard about this deli because I’m pretty sure a dude I never met before in an Uber pool told me about it. Thanks, guy. Regardless of the struggle and the insanity, I can honestly tell you all that this was indeed the highlight of my day and I’d like to tell you about it.

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Behold. The frank from Ben’s extremely commercial, Jewish, and Kosher (I guess that’s still Jewish) Deli. Now, you may remember that I wasn’t a fan of another big commercial touristy Jewish deli. (Katz’s Deli) So, I wasn’t incredibly enthused about Ben’s, especially since it is just south of Times Square on 38th and 7th. The place was a little bizarre, and definitely huge and commercial as I feared. However, when I told them I didn’t want to sit down and be waited on, and I only wanted a hot dog at the bar, they looked at me oddly, but were very accommodating. For $9.95 the hot dog comes with a drink, 3 different types of pickles, coleslaw, sauerkraut, and a huge knish. This is an epic deal, especially if you’re poor. A quick side note on the knish: I love this invention. Whichever lovely Jewish man with gorgeous curls invented it must have been a sweetheart.

Let’s get into the weenie details. The dog comes out with ‘kraut on the side and no toppings at all. They only have this odd spicy brown mustard that I’ve never seen, called Gold’s. It is no French’s yellow, but it is pretty good, and I’m a little surprised by it. I applied it with incredible precision, and even added kraut because I was feeling the whole NYC Jewish vibe. The bun is nicely toasted, but maybe a little on the light side, as in I couldn’t see any grill marks or bun browning. That’s a new one: “bun browning.” It sounds like something the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders do as a pre-game warm up routine.

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Anyway, the first bite is marvelous, because the snap in this weenie is next level. You can tell there’s some real intestine on the outside of this bad boy and its glorious. There is a strong, 100% beef flavor, that is the tell-tale sign of a high quality frankfurter. This is a pure hot dog. If you are a plain weenie person, I think this would be on the top of your list. One unfortunate thing that happened to me, however, happened over time. Towards the end of eating the hot dog, I got a little tired of the snap. It was as if there was too much casing, and I had to chew through the sausage. This goes to prove that too much of a good thing can be a bad thing. Moderation in life is key. I didn’t think it could happen with the snap, but it did. I would definitely recommend this weenie, though. “One flaw a mistake does not make,” Yoda once said.

3.5 weenies

Is eating a hot dog alone at the bar of a huge time square deli sad? Am I a pathetic human being? To the haters I say nay. I say, in the words of Kelly Clarkson, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Unfortunately, eating a ton of hot dogs my eventually kill me. Eh. YOLO.

Cheers

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The Bearded Lady: Christmas Eve

It’s Christmas Eve. Rather than get in the Christmas spirit by listening to Christmas music, baking cookies, and stuffing socks full of useless trinkets, I am choosing to write about a hot dog. The story of this hot dog, in my opinion, truly embodies the spirit of Christmas. It all began on a Saturday morning. I had purchased a Santa suit in preparation to run a 4 mile race called the jingle bell jog, where my plan was to don the suit and attempt to make it across the finish line with my coworkers. Given that I write about a hot dog once a week, y’all know I can’t be in great shape. Well, Saturday morning race day comes along, and I wake up to multiple missed calls and texts. It is 10 minutes to race time and there is no way I make it to Brooklyn on time. Epic fail. Rather than stay in and sulk, however, I make it out to Brooklyn to participate in the post race bar crawl. Part of that bar crawl took place at a bar called the Bearded Lady, which, by some sort of Christmas miracle, served hot dogs. Santa is real, and he presented me with this gift even though I was a bad boy. No coal this time, just a weenie for me. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, indeed.

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Behold the Chicago dog. As I’ve mentioned before, Chicago dogs are great, but usually mood weenies. What is a mood weenie? Every once in a while, you get in a strange mood and crave chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, right? Imagine that chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream is a Chicago dog. It’s not your go-to, but when you’re in a weird mood, it’s money. Luckily, given the events of the morning prior, I was in a weird mood, and a Chicago dog called my name. Chicago dogs are essentially gardens on top of sausages. You have your tomatoes, pickles, onions, peppers, and most importantly mustard. My favorite part about the Chicago dog is the way the yellow mustard (always yellow, obviously) interacts with the pickle to form this graceful, harmonious marriage that is most definitely legal everywhere in the US except for Alabama.

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Now, remember, we are in Brooklyn, so this is not a traditional Chicago dog. We have here a very thin toasted bun which allows for emphasis on the toppings. The toppings are diced up and covered in black pepper, which is very rare for a Chicago dog. In fact, I’ve never seen this before. It is almost as if there is some form of pico de gallo adorning the sausage. I have to say it works very well. Then, the weenie itself. Let me give a shout out again to the Brooklyn Hot Dog Co,  serving up another delicious sausage. They are long, tasty, and of incredible quality. I still long for a little more snap, but definitely some of the best sausages around. This is a very bold weenie, at a very bold place, with very bold cocktails. I highly recommend both the bar and the hot dog they serve. If you’re ever near Prospect Park, this is a great rest stop to shoot some pool and enjoy a cocktail and a dog.

3.5 weenies

Now, in honor of Christmas, a poem. This is a mashup of some of your favorite Christmas hits, entitled “Hot Dogs for Thee”.

On Dasher, on Dancer, on Schnippers, Papaya

On Comet and Cupid, The Cannibal and Rudy’s

A hot dog comes for thee, oh yum yum yum yum

A king weenie we seek, oh yum yum yum yum

Deck the halls with loads of weenies

Fatty fatty fat, we get so fat

A hot dog comes for thee, oh yum yum yum yum

A king weenie we seek, oh yum yum yum yum”

From the middle of my heart (the bottom makes no sense), thanks for all of the support in 2015. See you in 2016, as there are still many weenies to try! God bless you all and have a wonderful holiday! 

Cheers

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Shake Shack

There are two things in life that I have dreamt about, yet hadn’t done before this review. They are: eat cake by the ocean, and eat at Shake Shack. One of these has been accomplished in the last 24 hours. Unfortunately, no, I did not eat cake by the ocean (sorry Joe Jonas). I am very happy, however, that my first time at Shake Shack I was there to eat a hot dog and not a burger. I’m also very happy that everything about Shake Shack was better than expected. I went in thinking I was going to have a touristy, commercial, type of vibe. In the restaurant, everything changed. I came out stuffed, with both a cheese stain and a mustard stain on my shirt. That, my friends, is how life should be.

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The Shack-Meister. That is exactly what a hot dog should be called, because I want my sausage to sound like my college frat buddy who partied the hardest. Ooooh, the Shack-meister, look at him gooo, chug a beer, he’s the Shack-meister. Besides its already epic name, it apparently is the most popular dog on the menu and according to the man behind the counter “made them famous”. This is a very unique dog. It’s the first I’ve reviewed that is split open. It is also the first I’ve reviewed with fried shallots (elegant onions). But, most importantly, it is the first I’ve reviewed with cheese. Poured in the crevasse of the weenie is a delicious cheese that tastes like 7 Kraft singles melted and condensed like Campbell’s soup. It is glorious. For some reason it reminds me of molten steel being poured in the forges of the industrial age. I’m basically Andrew Carnegie building America one weenie at a time, pouring my molten steel on wieners across the nation.

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The bun is of the potato variety. It’s dense and yellow, well toasted, and compliments the rich flavors of the toppings well. The sausage is maybe my least favorite part of the dog. There is no char, no snap, and the split open presentation helps with the cheese, but takes away from overall enjoyment. It does have a nice smoky flavor, however, which works well with everything else. The crispy fried scallions (elegant onions) add a nice crunch and appearance. Every element of the hot dog compliments each other in a different way, combining for a delightfully rich and savory experience. This dog is not to be laughed at. Don’t mess with the Shack-Meister, he’ll steal your girlfriend.

4 weenies

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Oh my goodness I totally forgot. Shake Shack has yellow mustard everywhere. It’s on tap, it’s in packets, it’s underneath the chairs, and it oozes from the light fixtures. Y’all know how I feel about my yellow mustard. It is incredibly refreshing and completely correct that spicy brown is not in the entire restaurant. Thank you, Shake Shack, may the tides forever be in your favor.

Cheers

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Bill’s Bar & Burger

Sometimes, after looking at a bunch of Picasso sculptures, you get a hankering for a weenie. It happens to me all of the time. For example, on Sunday, the cubism really got to me and I just had a craving for a fat juicy sausage. I was very much a tourist that day. After cruising around in the MoMa, I dilly-dallied on over to Rockefeller Center and watched some guys try way too hard to impress their dates by trying to ice skate. I was feeling way too cute and traditional. Then, like the star of Bethlehem, Bill’s Bar and Burger appeared on the horizon. Today, for this young man, it would be Bill’s Bar and Hot Dog.

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There were 4 dogs on the menu. New York, Chili Cheese, Chicago, and Corn Dogs were the options. I asked the young gentle-dude what the best weenie was, and got a literal LOL reply, “I like them plain with ketchup.” I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: the only time it is OK to eat a ketchup hot dog is if you’re under 12. So, I may have to contact a lawyer and see about Bill’s Bar and Burger’s child labor situation. I then had to press the waiter and rephrase by asking for the most popular weenie, since his judgment was so terrible. I ended up with the Chicago Dog. I was very pleased with this, as it had been a while since I had one. The last I remember was Frankie’s On the Go back in July, and it was pretty underwhelming. A Chicago Dog is typically mustard, onions, tomatoes, pickles, and peppers. It’s like a little salad on a dog. I’m not a salad guy (who would have guessed, a guy who writes about hot dogs doesn’t like salads), but I love a good Chicago dog. Upon receipt of the sausage, the first thing I noticed was the bun. Big dog in a little bun. (Sung to the tune of “fat guy in a little coat”). The hot dog isn’t even that big! Honey, I shrunk your bun.

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The little bun wasn’t too big of a problem, though. The picture above highlights the best part of Bill’s Bar and Burger’s weenie: the actual sausage. It’s a Hatfield’s all beef bad boy. I highly recommend. They probably could have cooked it a little more, but this was like a Maserati among Hyundais. An albatross among finches. Well done Hatfield’s. The pickle was sliced, which is against my preference, but the mustard was classic French’s yellow and it made me feel alive again. The peppers had a nice spice to them, but maybe were a little too much, or too acidic. Lord knows I have heartburn problems already, I certainly don’t need more of that. In all honesty I really enjoyed the hot dog itself. Plus, at Bill’s, you can order a “Cold Ass Beer”. It is literally the brand of a beer. I don’t care who you are, that’s fun.

3.5 weenies

I’d like you all to leave this review thinking that you should go to Bill’s Bar and Burger. It is definitely a great place to grab a simple meal. Plus, it’s in the Rockefeller Center, so when your parents come in and want to see the tree, you can drag them in to get a burger or a weenie and not even feel bad about it. Then, you can watch a bunch of people fall in the ice skating rink. Then, you can go see the Rockettes. Is it Christmas yet? Smart marketing, Bill’s. Smart.

Cheers

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Ditch Plains

At one point in our lives we were all children. At that same point in our lives we all loved Macaroni and Cheese. Well, I am still at that point in my life, and let me tell you… I’ve got the blues. Kraft Mac-a-roni and Cheeeese. I love Mac n’ Cheese! If you don’t, I question your existence as a human being. The only excuse you may have is lactose intolerance. Even then, fight through and attack the mac. Squeeze the cheese. Put your nose in the elbows. Feel the steam from the cream. Be daft with the Kraft. Eat yo’ Mac n’ Cheese, y’all. It’s pretty simple. Even better, put it on a hot dog. Luckily, the folks at Ditch Plains accomplished just that.

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Yes, that is real. The Ditch Dog at Ditch Plains. This is a great spot. Located in the West Village, it has a very chill vibe, plenty of good beers on tap, and some great menu options that are pretty affordable. They also have a nice selection of hot dogs, which is obviously what I got excited about. Without much hesitation, the bartender referred me to the Ditch Dog because that is what “put them on the map.” This dude was right on the money. When it came out to the bar, the image in front of me was something that could rival a Picasso. However, I must warn, if for any reason you don’t like Mac n’ Cheese (as previously stated you would be a moron if this was true), steer clear of this dog. Also, if the frank were plain, I’m not sure how great it would have been. The hot dog itself is a little scrawny and without snap. That is my only criticism. The mac is so creamy and delicious, and almost everything you taste in every bite is the Mac.  It’s honestly just a very creative way to serve Macaroni and Cheese, and I’m completely OK with that. Two great things should be paired with each other to make even greater things. It’s a fact of life. For example: Sonny and Cher, Penn and Teller, Shaq and Kobe, or even reading the newspaper and sitting on the toilet. Why have one when you can have both? Mac n’ Cheese and hot dogs.

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Go eat it now. I had to leave another picture to remind you. It’s just too good to leave out. I highly recommend this dog, and was close to giving it the highest rating so far, but I think I was getting emotional or something. I was thinking about Matilda, and my childhood, and the happiness that came with it. Must. Use. Logic. Epic weenie.

4 weenies.

P.S. My thoughts about this recent “meat causes cancer” crap: what doesn’t cause cancer?! Phones, cardboard, satellites, carcinogens, plastic, air, deodorant, and now processed meat?! Give me a break. Apparently processed meat increases your chance of getting cancer by 17%. Most illogical, media guzzling Americans see that number and assume their chance of getting cancer is immediately 17% after they eat one piece of beef. Knock, knock, pudding heads, that 17% means that the 3 or 4 percent chance you already had of getting cancer is now 3.2 or 4.2 percent. Not a big deal. Eat your meat. Science is OK with it. I promise. If you’re going to get cancer it is probably from something else, such as living in this already cancer-prone world. Carcinogens might cause cancer too, a recent study suggested. Long live the meats.

P.P.S. “Load the grill with fatty meats. Put ’em on a bun, and eat eat eat.” – Sinbad

ditch plains

Cheers

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Big Nick’s Burger Joint and Pizza Joint Too

The unexpected is never expected. Some of life’s best, worst, and certainly most impactful moments are unexpected. Unexpected can be happy, or it can be sad, but at the end of the day without unexpected moments life would be boring and crappy. This would mean no lottery winners, no news, no pearl harbor, no Lenny Kravitz ding-a-lings, no Janet Jackson nipple rings, and worst of all, no impromptu hot dog reviews. A google search of “where to eat hot dogs on the upper west side” took us to “Big Nick’s Burger Joint and Pizza Joint Too”, featuring “Giant Hot Dogs.” “Let’s go”, I declared.

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Oh Big Nick, what big weenies you have! Look at all of those giant hot dogs. Walking into this place nobody in their right mind would imagine they would have a hot dog selection on their menu such as this. You can even make it deluxe, like it is some sort of a cheeseburger. I asked what their best dog was, as per usual, and the response was, “with cheese.” Obviously adding chili is never a bad option, so the cheese and chili melt was the obvious choice for this old boy. The environment here was very old school, local, and rooted in tradition. This would be a great late night stop in for a college student, but also a perfect early lunch spot for a retiree. There is nothing impressive, but I feel at home. Remember Grandma’s house growing up? It was kind of old, run down, and filled with a bunch of unnecessary things, but you liked it because Grandma cooked for you and let you stay up late? This is how I felt at Big Nick’s.

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There is the dog itself. The Giant Hot Dog Melt. This is certainly a fat boy. At first glance, it reminds me of the quarter pound big bit at 7-11. A classic growing up for me, I began to feel even more at home. Unfortunately I didn’t see any French’s yellow mustard around, so I chose not to apply any mustard at all and eat as is. This is rare, but I felt it acceptable to allow the cheese to do some talking. Speak up, cheese! I’d like to take a moment and really let the cheese on this dog sink in – melt in your mind. Look at it. The cheese on this dog is a Kraft single. What?! At first, I though this was one of the most poor displays of culinary artistry I had ever seen. But no, the unexpected is never expected. The slice of cheese underneath the dog was the best part of the whole thing. I highly recommend it. It makes sense for Big Nick’s, too. They are a burger place first. Why not take some of the burger cheese and slap it on a dog? Epic creativity.

Now, I can’t make them sound too great because the dog itself was kind of dry, especially for being so fat, and the bun wasn’t hot, but was still somehow toasted. Furthermore, I got it deluxe simply because it sounded interesting, and the dog came with a big leaf of lettuce and two tomatoes on the side, like I was a rabbit. It made no sense. Stop it Big Nick. Don’t do that again. The chili wasn’t the best either, it lacked any sort of spice and started to look fecal after sitting in the open air for a few minutes. My personal goal in life is to avoid looking fecal at all costs.

3 weenies.

The Kraft single underneath the hot dog was revolutionary, creative, and downright titillating. However, it wasn’t a complete package. It’s a pretty decent spot overall, but if you don’t make it there, it would be expected.

Cheers

P.S. Is this a good new name? “Big Nick’s Burger Joint and Pizza Joint and Hot Dog Joint Also.” I’d consider it. Give the people what they want.

P.P.S. I have a map now! Check out where I’ve eaten all my weenies geography style: Map on BobbyPin

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